I've been suffering from severe depression for weeks now. My parents know, my school counselors know, and I'm seeing a therapist.
The last time I went to the therapist I told her something that's been bothering me for quite a while, and she didn't even know what I was on about. You can guess how much better I feel about the situation with her professional input.
It feels out of place to be happy. Whenever I'm relatively OK, I just want to feel mental pain again. Being happy makes me feel like a liar, like my brain is shouting out to no one in particular, "I was there! I was dying! Why won't you believe me?" Nobody gets it, and it makes me feel like a freak. I never want to be happy. I don't want to get better. The only reason I'm actually getting help is because my friends and family don't want me to hurt myself. Being happy just seems pointless. I guess I just want some reassurance... I honestly have no idea what is going on with my mind. I thought that it might be because subconsciously I might feel that I don't deserve to be happy, but I have no clue. It just really, really bothers me.
The last time I went to the therapist I told her something that's been bothering me for quite a while, and she didn't even know what I was on about. You can guess how much better I feel about the situation with her professional input.
It feels out of place to be happy. Whenever I'm relatively OK, I just want to feel mental pain again. Being happy makes me feel like a liar, like my brain is shouting out to no one in particular, "I was there! I was dying! Why won't you believe me?" Nobody gets it, and it makes me feel like a freak. I never want to be happy. I don't want to get better. The only reason I'm actually getting help is because my friends and family don't want me to hurt myself. Being happy just seems pointless. I guess I just want some reassurance... I honestly have no idea what is going on with my mind. I thought that it might be because subconsciously I might feel that I don't deserve to be happy, but I have no clue. It just really, really bothers me.
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