Everything comes to and end

[Unregistered]

I started high school a few days ago and I already dislike it. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but it's true. Everything is becoming "real" now. There are real expectations and standards that I'm supposedly supposed to live up to. Everything is going too fast and I'm just not ready. I don't think I can do it and in all honestly, I don't want to put in the effort because eventually I will end my life. I was contemplating whether I should this weekend but then I remembered that my favorite tv show is coming back soon and I really want to see what happens (I know it's stupid but, hey, it's keeping me alive.)
And I can't drive to an ER because I'm not old enough and I'm not going to tell my mom because then things will just get worse. I was thinking about talking to my school counselor but I don't think it's really worth it and it'll just make things worse because then they'll have to tell my mom and yeah...
I'm writing this because I just needed someone to listen to me. Thanks.

[2NDFLOOR]

Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR. I am so sorry that you are experiencing these thoughts and feelings and aren't able to talk to anyone about them, but it's time that you should. First off I just want to say if you are having thoughts of suicide contact 911 immediately or contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 they are available 24/7 to take your calls. I can understand not wanting to tell your mom how you are feeling, but the alternative is her finding out when it is too late. Right now she can help you. Your counselor at school can help you. WE can help you. There will be so many people that will be devastated if something happened to you. Remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You don't have to feel like this and there are so many resources to help you. Please call 911, the suicide prevention lifeline, or talk to your mom about how you are feeling immediately. And know that if you need to talk to us more you can call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline 24/7 or text us daily 12PM-8PM at 888-222-2228. You are not alone and we are here to help!