Hi. things for me have been going downhill for me at home latelt. my older brother is a neurotic, psycopathic, pain in my a**. other than just being annoying, he is abusive. he uses the words " b****, fat a**, c***, worthless, fag, retard, loser, etc." freely with me. he throws things like batteries and remote controls at me for fun. then he denys that he ever did such things. i have tried year after year asking my parents for help to only get the response, "ignore him" i wish things could be so simple. my parents know what is going on, they say they cant do anything because my brother is too big and crazy. then, since we are "well off", they take me to a concert every so often to make up for it. but the saying "money cant buy happiness" is true.
then, my parents are always fighting. on a daily they are getting into heated arguments. they use me as a pawn in many arguments. they take their anger out on me too. they will yell at me and call me names for something as stupid as taking my laundry out of the machine. i do my own laundry. the machine doesnt have a timer so i forget my things are in there. at 14 though, doing my own laundry should be enough. anyway, they fight constantly. my sister and i always hang out and i feel safe with her around but she went away for the weekend. ill be going to my cousins this weekend gladly. but still, i want to get out of here. my sister is gonna be leaving for college soon. i want to run away so bad. i keep telling myself that the second i get my license, i am going to live out of my car and stay away from home as much as posible. but that is a long time away. what do i do? i think about killing myself sometimes but i would never do that. i just think about it though. it scares me. these thoughts of running away and suicide scare me so much. i have to get out of here soon...
then, my parents are always fighting. on a daily they are getting into heated arguments. they use me as a pawn in many arguments. they take their anger out on me too. they will yell at me and call me names for something as stupid as taking my laundry out of the machine. i do my own laundry. the machine doesnt have a timer so i forget my things are in there. at 14 though, doing my own laundry should be enough. anyway, they fight constantly. my sister and i always hang out and i feel safe with her around but she went away for the weekend. ill be going to my cousins this weekend gladly. but still, i want to get out of here. my sister is gonna be leaving for college soon. i want to run away so bad. i keep telling myself that the second i get my license, i am going to live out of my car and stay away from home as much as posible. but that is a long time away. what do i do? i think about killing myself sometimes but i would never do that. i just think about it though. it scares me. these thoughts of running away and suicide scare me so much. i have to get out of here soon...
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