I want to die

[Guest]

I've always been a happy person, but lately in these last couple months I want to die. My mom's been depressed, my dad chose my stepmom instead of me, and my sister has been really mean to me lately. I'm not going to go into the details but today especially has been hard. She doesn't understand that what she says to me really hits me hard. I haven't seen my dad since December. We had a fight and both said some things we probably now regret. Tomorrow is his birthday. But I want to see him and I don't. My mom has just been a ball of depression. She is sad and tired all the time. I have a few friends, but they don't like me. I have really bad social anxiety, so they bond and I watch alone. My only friend and frankly person who likes me is my cat.
I've never thought about self-harm but now it doesn't seem so impossible. I'm now thinking of taking pills, all of them. I just can't do it anymore. I'm so alone and so sad. Everyone around me is sad. I just don't want to do life anymore. We don't have money for a therapist, so I can't do that. I'm just so over everything. I just want to leave everything behind and just be with my cat.

[2NDFLOOR]

I understand that you have a lot going on in your life and that a lot of it is making you feel sad, but suicide is never an appropriate answer to any problem you might be having. Recognize that time changes, problems get solved and things get better, but if you're not here none of that matters. As for you Dad, why don't you try to reach out to him. Maybe he's sitting around sad that he won't get to talk to you, you never know. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Maybe you'll walk away feeling better. With Mom, just be there for her IF you can, if it's impacting you and your mood, you might have to stay away for awhile. Having a pet is a great thing and they can help to alleviate some of the feelings you might be having. You do need help above and beyond what a message board is capable of doing for your suicidal thoughts. Maybe a school counselor or a suicide hotline like the NJ Hopeline 1-855-654-6735 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK. Both these resources are able to help you deal with those feelings. I hope you reach out because what your dealing with is very serious but also very able to be helped if you're willing to reach out.