I don't even know

[Unregistered]

Dear Second floor,
Okay, so about a year and a half ago I had an aunt move back from Florida, we'll call her Marjorie. She had just been divorced so she came back to New Jersey and decided to move in with my grandmother. But ever since she moved back to New Jersey, our family became, well we definitely weren't very enthusiastic about seeing each other. At first I kind of tuned it out, at the time I had other issues to worry about with school and depression, and I figured it was just since she had been divorced, but around March last year all hell broke loose. My grandmother had ended up in the hospital, and my mother and two aunts had to take turns visiting the hospital. I never had a father so whenever my mom left I'd be stuck with one of my aunts. Marjorie was usually who my mother picked to watch me. All I ever really heard from her was some complaint about someone else in the family, and what they were fighting over when she was watching me. My other aunt (we'll call her laura) was fine to be around, but my mother isn't comfortable leaving me with her since she has 3 kids and I'm always in fights with the youngest, and the older ones ignore me. After about three weeks of this my grandmother was finally allowed to go home, but she'd be dependent on Marjorie. Well, Marjorie didn't like that and always had to be talking to someone about how unfair it is that she has to take care of my grandmother by herself even though Laura and my mom both have their own kids to take care of, so that went on until my mother finally started yelling at Marjorie when she came over. That kind of started this anger between all the adults, and when they think the kids aren't around they scream at each other until someone comes downstairs. With that every time I'm left with my aunt Marjorie she always tells me about how Laura was being a B****, or my mother not caring about grandma. Then about four months ago my mother ended up in the hospital for about a week and Marjorie was left in charge to take care of me. She acted like mom was fine and it was like she just dropped my off to stop being a mother for a while even though it was clear she couldn't even stand up, so I went through more of that. Mom was okay once she got out of the hospital again for a while, but something apparently happened so she's probably going to be at the hospital a lot more. So I'm probably just going to be with Marjorie. I don't know if they think I'm blind deaf and dumb, and think I'm oblivious to the family problems, or if they just don't care that I know they barely tolerate each other. Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble about this. It's just this whole thing with nobody likes each other and they only really talk because they have to trade me off between Marjorie and my mother. That is 95 percent of what they talk about when they're not fighting. Sometimes I wonder if it'd be easier if they didn't have me around to trade off, and I don't like listening to the arguments and sometimes I just want to die and I don't know if it would've made it easier for them to stand each other if I wasn't in the way.

[2NDFLOOR]

I am sorry to hear that your mother has been in the hospital that is hard to deal with when you watch someone you love get ill. Listen, family dynamics and relationship can be challenging but fighting, although unpleasant does not meant that they don’t love each other. I get why sometimes it is hard to understand why they are acting a certain way, especially if they haven't really explained to you their thoughts or feelings behind their actions.
So, if you haven't already, try and see if you can set some time aside to talk with your mom about how you are feeling. Sometimes the best way to figure out why someone is acting a certain way, is to talk with them and share your feelings and ask a lot of questions.
Just remember when you try to talk do it when you know she is focused. For example, you don't want to do it right when she comes home from work, because she may be drained from the day or not relaxed enough to focus. It may help to write down what you want to say beforehand, or even act out how you would say it with a close friend. Hopefully, by sharing your feelings your mom may be able to see how the family’s actions are affecting you and you too can also understand why they have been so upset. Communication and trying to understand one another is key for any relationship.
Sometimes having a good circle of friends to turn to, can make these hard times easier to deal with too. You may even want to ask a trusted friend for some ideas, if you feel comfortable sharing with them about your home life. If you want to talk more about this or anything else, please feel free to call 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228, we are open 24/7, or text us daily from 4-8PM.