Over the past month, my father has become a person I am terrified of. He gets angry at the tiniest things and it scares the daylights out of me and my siblings. For example, when I asked him if he had eaten lunch yet that afternoon and he didn't hear me, he yelled out "HUH?" in just about the rudest manner, as if I had just cursed him out and called him every profane word on the planet. And the way he said it was so obnoxious, any sane person would want to punch him in the face. Along with this, he has been hitting me and my younger brother and sister. They are awful beatings, like throwing the TV remote at our heads and grabbing me by the hair and dragging me across the room. He complains we don't do any work around the house. When we try to do any form of work, he tells us not to. For example, this morning after the freak blizzard in the north east, I offered to shovel the driveway. He told me he would do it and told me to prepare lunch (my mother was at work). After he got back in the house, he threw his coat down on the ground and demanded I give him a fully prepared lunch in 5 seconds or he will snap my phone. After I did so, and asked him what happened, he told me I was being a terrible daughter for not shoveling the driveway and was pissed at me.
The worst part is, during the times he's not like this, he is a wonderful father. He is pushing me in the most positive way to get into accelerated medical programs, get straight As while in 3 AP courses, and helps me out with homework. He says he loves me and my siblings, and gets us soft pretzels from time to time. He buys us video games and toys. He says he's afraid of spoiling us, and at his positive moments, they seem like legitimate concerns.
My mother, on the other hand, witnesses this abuse several times. She has been hit by my father in front of my eyes at least 6 times this month. Lately, she has been having suicidal thoughts. She even grabbed a box of pills and moved to lock herself in the bathroom. I stopped her at the last minute from locking the door, but she clawed me and left bloody scratch marks on my arms that haven't faded after 4 days.
Today, she said she was going to take pills and go to sleep one of these days. I have taken inventory of all medication I know of in the house and will know if she takes any.
My siblings are 12 and 9 and I hate that they have to see any of this. I'm almost 17, and I can't possibly take care of the three of us if my mother does commit suicide. My father is likely to leave us if this happens.
The issue is, I love them both to pieces. When they are not like this, they are literally balls of sunshine that do their hardest to keep the three of us happy and safe.
I have begun to see consequences of this, and am fearing I am getting depressed. I got my first 89 in a class. I began to cry myself to sleep every night. I lost 5 pounds in a week. And I am beginning to have suicidal thoughts. I planned out 3 ways I can kill myself and how to kill myself slowly enough to give me time to hide myself so my siblings don't have to see my body. I have composed 4 possible suicide notes. I'm getting more acne and losing more hair. I have sharpened the knives in the kitchen.
I need help, putting my family back together.
The worst part is, during the times he's not like this, he is a wonderful father. He is pushing me in the most positive way to get into accelerated medical programs, get straight As while in 3 AP courses, and helps me out with homework. He says he loves me and my siblings, and gets us soft pretzels from time to time. He buys us video games and toys. He says he's afraid of spoiling us, and at his positive moments, they seem like legitimate concerns.
My mother, on the other hand, witnesses this abuse several times. She has been hit by my father in front of my eyes at least 6 times this month. Lately, she has been having suicidal thoughts. She even grabbed a box of pills and moved to lock herself in the bathroom. I stopped her at the last minute from locking the door, but she clawed me and left bloody scratch marks on my arms that haven't faded after 4 days.
Today, she said she was going to take pills and go to sleep one of these days. I have taken inventory of all medication I know of in the house and will know if she takes any.
My siblings are 12 and 9 and I hate that they have to see any of this. I'm almost 17, and I can't possibly take care of the three of us if my mother does commit suicide. My father is likely to leave us if this happens.
The issue is, I love them both to pieces. When they are not like this, they are literally balls of sunshine that do their hardest to keep the three of us happy and safe.
I have begun to see consequences of this, and am fearing I am getting depressed. I got my first 89 in a class. I began to cry myself to sleep every night. I lost 5 pounds in a week. And I am beginning to have suicidal thoughts. I planned out 3 ways I can kill myself and how to kill myself slowly enough to give me time to hide myself so my siblings don't have to see my body. I have composed 4 possible suicide notes. I'm getting more acne and losing more hair. I have sharpened the knives in the kitchen.
I need help, putting my family back together.
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