Depressed Mother, Terrified of Father.

[Unregistered]

Over the past month, my father has become a person I am terrified of. He gets angry at the tiniest things and it scares the daylights out of me and my siblings. For example, when I asked him if he had eaten lunch yet that afternoon and he didn't hear me, he yelled out "HUH?" in just about the rudest manner, as if I had just cursed him out and called him every profane word on the planet. And the way he said it was so obnoxious, any sane person would want to punch him in the face. Along with this, he has been hitting me and my younger brother and sister. They are awful beatings, like throwing the TV remote at our heads and grabbing me by the hair and dragging me across the room. He complains we don't do any work around the house. When we try to do any form of work, he tells us not to. For example, this morning after the freak blizzard in the north east, I offered to shovel the driveway. He told me he would do it and told me to prepare lunch (my mother was at work). After he got back in the house, he threw his coat down on the ground and demanded I give him a fully prepared lunch in 5 seconds or he will snap my phone. After I did so, and asked him what happened, he told me I was being a terrible daughter for not shoveling the driveway and was pissed at me.

The worst part is, during the times he's not like this, he is a wonderful father. He is pushing me in the most positive way to get into accelerated medical programs, get straight As while in 3 AP courses, and helps me out with homework. He says he loves me and my siblings, and gets us soft pretzels from time to time. He buys us video games and toys. He says he's afraid of spoiling us, and at his positive moments, they seem like legitimate concerns.

My mother, on the other hand, witnesses this abuse several times. She has been hit by my father in front of my eyes at least 6 times this month. Lately, she has been having suicidal thoughts. She even grabbed a box of pills and moved to lock herself in the bathroom. I stopped her at the last minute from locking the door, but she clawed me and left bloody scratch marks on my arms that haven't faded after 4 days.

Today, she said she was going to take pills and go to sleep one of these days. I have taken inventory of all medication I know of in the house and will know if she takes any.

My siblings are 12 and 9 and I hate that they have to see any of this. I'm almost 17, and I can't possibly take care of the three of us if my mother does commit suicide. My father is likely to leave us if this happens.

The issue is, I love them both to pieces. When they are not like this, they are literally balls of sunshine that do their hardest to keep the three of us happy and safe.

I have begun to see consequences of this, and am fearing I am getting depressed. I got my first 89 in a class. I began to cry myself to sleep every night. I lost 5 pounds in a week. And I am beginning to have suicidal thoughts. I planned out 3 ways I can kill myself and how to kill myself slowly enough to give me time to hide myself so my siblings don't have to see my body. I have composed 4 possible suicide notes. I'm getting more acne and losing more hair. I have sharpened the knives in the kitchen.

I need help, putting my family back together.

[2NDFLOOR]

It took a lot of courage to reach out to 2NDFLOOR so you should be proud of yourself. I have to start by saying if you are feeling suicidal please pick up the phone and call 911 or go to your local emergency room. Someone there can help immediately or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot for awhile and it is not your responsibility to get your family back together. I know that might not be what you want to hear because you love your family, but it is very unhealthy how your father is behaving. It sounds like he really needs mental health counseling, but again that is up to him he is an adult.
Again, I understand that you love your mother and father, but something has to change and you cannot make that change happen. Here is some information that could be helpful for both you and your mother. For your mom and you as well, we are affiliated with 180-Turning Lives Around. It deals with domestic violence. This could be a great resource for both of you, whether just to talk, or to find resources to leave. Their website www.180nj.org it has links to different programs that may be helpful. Their number is 888-843-9262. Here is the number to Department of Child Protection and Permanency at 877- 652-2873 as well. Maybe you can talk to your mom about going to counseling as a family even, NJ Mental Health Cares number is 866- 202-4357.
Listen, I know it might be hard to think about getting help, but you have to, you shouldn't feel that way in your own home. I hope that this post helps you in some way to take the next step. Please give 2NDFLOOR a call anytime if you want to discuss this more at 888-222-2228, we also do texting now every Friday from 4-8 pm @ 908-280-0235.

[Unregistered]

I know how you feel!!

Hang in and stay strong!! My siblings are around the same age and I know how you're feeling being that I am going through something similar. There's a light even in the darkest points and it's going to be okay. It's hard being the oldest because you feel like you have to piece everything together when it falls apart. But just remember some thing are just out of our control.