Do I have a phobia of sex?

[Unregistered]

Hi,

First of all, I'm new to this site, so I don't really know how all this works. A friend of mine recommended coming here with my question.

Anyways, I'm a 15, about to turn 16, year old female. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality (I'm straight). I have sexual fantasies just like any other teenage girl and often dream of meeting some guy. The dream usually starts with a blossoming relationship, picks up with us getting intimate, than, as soon as he tries to get in my pants, I just tell him I'm not ready and start to cry. This hasn't just happened once; it's happened multiple times throughout my dreams. My more 'mature' dreams started occurring around 13. From that age, I've always dreamt of dating someone, falling in love, getting physically close, than always stopping as soon as sex starts to become more and more visible. The dreams usually end with me crying, someone walking in, it getting cut short, etc.

Not sure if this is important but I've never masturbated or watched porn. Truthfully it's just not something I'm about. I don't think me choosing not to explore my body has anything to do with me not wanting to dream about a penis.

Although all my dreams always cut short of any sex, I have read quite erotic books. In fact, that may be what started this whole thing; these erotic books. Don't get me wrong, I find them very intriguing, but, halfway through any crude or vulgar book/article/whatever, I feel physically sick. I start to taste copper and being to get a knock in my stomach. I occasionally get a headache along with these stomach pains and bad tastes. Typically I finish reading what I started, though. Only a handful of times have I honestly felt so utterly sick that I had to ask myself what the heck was going on and quite reading any further.

I'm catholic, but I'm fairly positive my religion plays no part in this. I am fully comfortable with admitting to myself that I'm not going to be playing by the rules as far as intimacy goes in His eyes. And I'm ok with that.

A few years ago, my father passed away. I think that part of the reason my dreams are always cut short with me crying is because I subconsciously feel that my dad in looking down at me, disappointed with what he sees happening. But at the same time, I feel like there's more to this that just my father's approval.

I really am confused by all this. I know I'm young so it might just be my inexperience combine with nerves and innocence. I still haven't had my first kiss, if that helps. But I have had 2 'relationships' with guys. Both were very emotionally involved, one in particular. Neither of them ever pushed me to do anything I didn't want.

I've never been abused or harassed or taken advantage of as a child. So it's nothing like that. I had a real happy childhood, to be quite honest.

I'm very curious about what this could all mean.
- Am I overanalyzing everything?
- IS it just my inexperience?
- Do I have a phobia of sex?

I'm not shy of the topic of sex. I do have conversations about sex with my mother sometimes. She tries to explain things as best as she sees fit. She isn't one of those over-do-it Catholics (like the mother from Carrie). We're not "church every Sunday" religious, but my siblings and I did go to Catholic school for a good amount of time.

Can anyone give me any advice? Can anyone verify wtf is going on inside my head?

THANK YOU in advance For reading all this and taking time to answer all this nonsense. I'm it's all nothing but I really need some reassurance.

[2NDFLOOR]

So it sounds like you are trying to figure out your sexual feelings and what that all means to you. This is completely normal. You are at the age when your hormones and puberty are kicking in. You mentioned that you read erotic books and get feelings of sickness sometimes this could just be you getting excited, like getting butterflies in your stomach. You did aslo mentioned a couple of things like your catholic and your dad looking over you (sorry to hear about your loss), this could be contributing to the sick feelings as well. It could be a negative emotional reaction your experiencing when you get aroused because your unsure about if it would be okay to feel or experience arousal.
If you are really worried that there could be a medical issue then the only way to truly find out is to see a doctor. You can go to your primary physician and get a physical with a blood work up. That could put your mind at ease knowing everything physical checks out. Again, keep in mind your hormones are changing in your body at this age so you will be experiencing some physical and emotional changes, but it never hurts to go to the doctor to make sure.
Here is a website called Puberty 101, it talks about puberty and female arousal, so you should check the website out to understand what could be happening with your body @ http://puberty101.com/ and http://sexetc.org/ (both are educational websites).
I hope that helped and if you need to talk further at any time please call 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228, we are here 24-7.