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I am a 20 year old woman, and I have been out as bi since I was 15. Since then, I haven't really had any same-sex experiences - I've dated and been intimate with several men since then, but I have never actually dated or been intimate with women. For the most part it never really got to me, but lately I've been wanting more and more to be with another woman.
I'm currently in a non-monogamous relationship with a man. Recently, while I was intimate with a man who isn't my boyfriend, I noticed that while I enjoyed myself, it wasn't really doing anything for me, for lack of a better phrase. I didn't really think much of it at the time (if anything I assumed it was because the sex was meaningless). But last night, when I was intimate with my boyfriend, I felt the exact same way.
I think I might be gay and I'm scared what this would mean for my relationship with my current boyfriend. He's everything I could ever want - he treats me better than anyone I've ever been with, and he's okay with being non-monogamous, and he loves me like crazy and I feel like I really lucked out this time. If I am gay then it isn't fair to him that we stay together, and I know that. But I don't want to lose him.
At the same time, I (as my currently-out-as-bi self) want to find a girlfriend who would be okay with the whole open-relationship thing. I don't really know how to go about finding gay women to date... I am afraid of online dating for a number of reasons, and I'm not very good at talking to women face-to-face (I'm like a little kid... I get very nervous and fluttery and I make a fool of myself, every single time). I don't have this problem with men, which is why I've dated men exclusively even after coming out.
I don't really know what to do. At one point a few years back I tried to come out as gay (after coming out as bi) and my then-boyfriend (who was homophobic and already "putting up with" the whole bi thing) simply wouldn't have it - I don't remember exactly why I wanted to come out as gay but I remember that the main (and possibly the only) reason I didn't was because of him. I know that late is better than never, but I feel as though I realised this about myself far too late. My boyfriend is everything I want in a significant other... if realising who I am means losing what we have, then I'm not really sure that coming out is worth it.
I'm currently in a non-monogamous relationship with a man. Recently, while I was intimate with a man who isn't my boyfriend, I noticed that while I enjoyed myself, it wasn't really doing anything for me, for lack of a better phrase. I didn't really think much of it at the time (if anything I assumed it was because the sex was meaningless). But last night, when I was intimate with my boyfriend, I felt the exact same way.
I think I might be gay and I'm scared what this would mean for my relationship with my current boyfriend. He's everything I could ever want - he treats me better than anyone I've ever been with, and he's okay with being non-monogamous, and he loves me like crazy and I feel like I really lucked out this time. If I am gay then it isn't fair to him that we stay together, and I know that. But I don't want to lose him.
At the same time, I (as my currently-out-as-bi self) want to find a girlfriend who would be okay with the whole open-relationship thing. I don't really know how to go about finding gay women to date... I am afraid of online dating for a number of reasons, and I'm not very good at talking to women face-to-face (I'm like a little kid... I get very nervous and fluttery and I make a fool of myself, every single time). I don't have this problem with men, which is why I've dated men exclusively even after coming out.
I don't really know what to do. At one point a few years back I tried to come out as gay (after coming out as bi) and my then-boyfriend (who was homophobic and already "putting up with" the whole bi thing) simply wouldn't have it - I don't remember exactly why I wanted to come out as gay but I remember that the main (and possibly the only) reason I didn't was because of him. I know that late is better than never, but I feel as though I realised this about myself far too late. My boyfriend is everything I want in a significant other... if realising who I am means losing what we have, then I'm not really sure that coming out is worth it.
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