S&M

[Unregistered]

I'm 19 and I'm really into S&M (I'm a sub). The problem is my boyfriend hates the idea. At first he was vaguely interested in it, but now he just absolutely outright refuses to even try. We've been together for nearly a year and we've only played twice, both times lasting less than an hour and with a lot of arbitrary limitations. I beg him to pull my hair or hold me down (not even anything crazy, just get a little rough with me), but he outright refuses, even to call me by anything other than babe or my name. I've tried getting him interested, I've done everything I could possibly think of, even tried to play dom for him, but he just won't do it for me. It's really frustrating and we've openly argued about it, I don't enjoy sex any more, to the point where I've considered cheating with someone who will actually give me what I want (although I don't think I could ever actually do that to him). I don't know what to do, I love him and I care about him a lot, but the sex has just become so stale and he's completely closed to even trying to vaguely humor me with this.... do you have any advice?

[2NDFLOOR]

Hi and thank you for your post! It sounds like this is something that is very important to you in a relationship. It is obvious that your boyfriend is not into this and most likely never will be. So you basically have two choices: break-up with him or accept it. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like there is much else you can do especially since you have been trying to get him into it for about a year now and that the thought of cheating on him has crossed your mind. You both simply do not have this in common and if it is going to continue to interfere with your relationship it will not work out anyway. Good luck and we hope everything works out. Please call us here at 2ndFloor Youth Helpline- 1-888-222-2228 - if there is anything else we can help you with

[Unregistered]

meet in the middle

You said that you have fought about this with your boyfriend, have you tried to have a calm and intelligent conversation about it? This could really help you understand why he is so reluctant to participate and help him understand like him. Maybe warn him, hey I want to talk to you about our relationship and S&M, and I don't want it to be a fight, can you prepare a list ahead of time with why you are reluctant to do it? Then you also can comprise a list of why it is important to you. Discuss each others reasons, and try to find a compromise. Is there anything that you could do for him if he will try it with you? If this doesn't work then perhaps it is wise to end the relationship for the time being.