Nursing Student ???

[Unregistered]

Hello All,

All my life I wanted to be a nurse because I was a premature baby, and since middle school I wanted to give back to other babies to give them a fighting chance as well to achieve their dreams.

The school work and course load is not bad, even with 18 credits, when I start to struggle I get help so I don't fall behind.

I feel like I will be a bad nurse. At work as a receptionist I 'zone out' in those moments when it is incredibly slow as I do not know how to do everything that the other girls can do like file claims, so I'm stuck waiting for patients to come in. I hate feeling stuck but every time I express my "Can I learn something new" I get told "not right now" or "okay, I'll have Dr.___ show you."- which never happens.
I'm a very permissive person and I was told I need to be more confident and superior at work instead of talking to the patients and having them "take advantage of me"- even if they are waiting for the doctor. It is not as like I am starting conversions with them, they start conversations with me. I can not ignore or not engage in the conversation as that would be rude. I have been there for almost a year, and many of the patients who are coming in now are those who I held meaningful conversations with, they remember me and smile and strike up new conversations. When they hired me he told me that within two months employees typically get a dollar raise and it will go from there. I've been there for a year and I got a 50 cent raise 8 months in... after I expressed my interest in learning how to perform a task, but they never reviewed the task with me so I can not teach patients.

Any who, this experience makes me question if I have what it takes to be a nurse. It is most likely a mix of my lack of confidence and extreme fear of causing someone to die.
I have witnessed people die before, and it was a rough shock as I was in the Emergency Room and performed CPR. I just fear making a mistake and accidentally taking someone's life- especially if I want to work with premature babies. As a certified EMT, I would be the person to retrieve items instead of taking action as I would freeze and not know what to do in that moment.

I am not sure what I want to do because I have worked my butt of studying for AP classes and the likes and I feel to get this far, be accepted into a nursing program, and quit would be horrible over this inescapable fear.

Do you have any suggestions? I am open to anything.

Thanks,
Nursing student

[2NDFLOOR]

If being a nurse is your dream, follow it. In life, having a job you love is a big plus. It is unlikely you will "zone out" because you'll be surrounded by action on a regular basis. It would seem likely that many nurses have a fear of making a life threatening mistake, but that is part of the nature of the field. It's probably good that you have that fear because it will keep you on your toes and attentive to details. Life is too short not to follow your dreams, especially if you have already worked so hard to accomplish them. It does sound like you might benefit from a touch more self confidence. Don't take the answers your being given as final. Tell them, "I've been told I'm going to be taught a new skill and I'm still waiting someone to show me. Who do I need to speak to about getting this done?" Sometimes being pushy is what it takes to get things done, there is an old saying that goes The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Call us anytime and good luck with the rest of your schooling.