help

[Unregistered]

My friend and I were bullied since we were in 5th grade. Now we're in 9th and a couple days ago he committed suicide in front of me by hanging himself. I have not eaten I cant sleep. I keep on thinking that I could have saved him, that I could have stopped him. He had a girlfriend, a nice mom and dad, we made a pact that we would get through it together, we would put on brave masks that smile all the time and, He had a video and I watched it he looked... broken like his mask was torn from his face. I just keep thinking that I could have helped him. I want to be we,re he is, but I cant I still have to help his family and his girlfriend (who is one of my best friends and I introduced him to her thinking it would help). I just don't know what to do, or to think I want to move on, but how can I if every single time I close my eyes I see his face, the rope around his neck, the video, and the feeling of his life leaving his body.

PLEASE HELP ME, GIVE ADVICE, OR SOMETHING. something that will tell me it will be better that the his voice telling me it wasn't me fault will stop running through my head like a endless loop. just something.

[2NDFLOOR]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and what you two have gone through for so long. Being bullied is not acceptable and it is a crime! With everything that is going on, it sounds like you will really benefit from talking with your school counselor or at the very least getting in touch with your school guidance office to talk. School guidance counselors can provide you a judgment free and confidential space to share your feelings and maybe help provide some coping strategies. You need to talk about your emotions and the trauma that you have experienced. Can you talk to your parents? Trusted friend? Aunt? Uncle? Here is a number to NJ Mental Health Cares is (866) 202-4357, they can find you local professionals that offer counseling to you, again it would benefit you greatly to talk about your struggles and about your loss. Now, I know you are in pain right now because you loss someone, but there is no quick way to make the pain stop. It takes time to heal from any loss and everyone deals with it differently. So give yourself a break and take one day at a time. Try to remember the happy memories with your friend and maybe even put a picture up of him in memory. Grief speaks is another support resource to look at @ www.griefspeaks.com.

About the bullying, it is not okay for you to have to deal with this from anyone. There are laws in NJ about bullying, if it is happening in school the administrators must do something so that you feel comfortable in the environment that you are learning in. You can also make a police report about the bullies on your own with your parents. Here are some bullying websites as well that can give you strategies for dealing with bullies and you can make a report as well; Bully Stoppers @ (732) 547-2603 www.bullystoppers.com or http://www.pacerteensagainstbullying.org/tab/ or www.stopbullying.gov.

It is important that you don’t isolate yourself and reach out to a counselor to talk about your feelings, so don’t hesitate. I also must say to you that if your feelings of not wanting to live anymore happen more often or seem to be getting stronger for you, we would also recommend letting a counselor know that or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ (800) 273-8255. If you ever need to talk more about this please feel free to call 2NDFLOOR at 1-888-222-2228, we are available 24/7 or text us daily from 4-8pm.