heart ripped

[Unregistered]

Please help me!! :,'(( I am crying so much right now try to understand me. No I have no one, like nnot even my parents I can talk to... and that is another thing to cry about. It is so extreme, I cant even put it into words. Words cant describe anything. I feel unbearable pain. I dont see good things coming, all I am is mistreated, misunderstood. People hate me for no reason, so I take it out all in myself. I wanted 8th grade to be the best year where I make friends, and now it is the end of the year and I realized I haven't accomplished anything!!!! This is year was going to be the best, but I ruined it. I cant study or do work because I feel stupid.I keep remember ing childhood bullying. It is really easy to trigger the pain because the people around me are the same. Now I am mostly worried about "fake smiling" cuz I dont want people or my parents to know anything. How can I pretend to be smiley when I wanna die? How can I "act" happy when im not? Please dont put the suicide number cuz I wont go far. And then, I have to leave my favorite teacher!! She had my sister when I moved here, therefore she knows a lot about her struggles, and she supports me and knows my struggles too. Iam afraid I wont get a teacher like her. But My sister was closer to her, and im jealous because its the end of the year anyways, and i am not close to the teacher.my sister says that there are no teachers like her. And she makes me feel connected and safe. I have fake friends, and I am a loner. I am humorous when I am comfortable, but its hard to be in my school, and its late because I already established the goody quiet shy image! And it is a bad thing for many reasons! And its too late for change. And I planned to be a different person this year, but no... I still "appear" quiet. Thats why mean girls say I have no friends. I feel used and replaced. I feel guilty.
Help me please.

[2NDFLOOR]

I know you don't want to hear this but if you feel that you are a danger to yourself call 911 immediately or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255. I'm sorry to hear that this year isn't what you expected it to be and that you don't feel like you have anyone that you can talk to. I can understand why old memories are popping up and the difficulty in seeing positives in the future. However, even though this is the end of 8th grade it is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. It's easy to compare yourself to your sister, but you are your own person. You have your own journey. It's not too late to make a change. I know you say you don't want anyone to know how you're feeling, but it's important to talk to people that care about you so you can get the help that you need. You shouldn't have to feel this way and you don't have to! Have you tried seeing a counselor outside of school? Or talking to your friends? You'd be surprised how many people have felt this way at one point in their life. There will always be mean girls in life, not just middle school, high school, or college. That's why we surround ourselves with people that care about us and are true friends. It's better to have a few good friends then a bunch of friends we can't talk to or be ourselves around. This summer you should focus on opening up to people and helping yourself to feel better. If you still aren't ready to talk to anyone around you then call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline anytime at 888-222-2228 or text us daily from 4-8PM at 908-280-0235. You are not alone in this and we want to help!

[Unregistered]

theres more

What about leaving my teacher

[2NDFLOOR]

Change can be hard, that's understandable but it does not mean that you can't stay connected to your teacher and visit. Moving on will never take away the good memories you have with her and if you need to talk to her about things with the new teacher, I'm sure she would be willing to chat with you. Focus on tomorrow is a new day and make that day the best you can!!! Hope this helps some! If you still need support or someone to talk to, call 2NDFLOOR anytime at 888-222-2228 or text us daily from 4-8 PM at 908-280-0235. We are here 24/7 to help!