who would have known my life would be like that

[Unregistered]

i am going to be in 9th grade next year. Well actually, im gonna bullet down whats going on, please answer all piece of it:
* I am stupid, I was close to making it in the honor english, but not anymore
*my average grades are 80, but not high 90s
* I feel stupid because I feellike I over think every question and I have ocd when it comes to thinking about a question for any subject... I keep second guessing... tests are always worded differntly... and i go blank... teachers dont teach
* my mom has anxiety, but she doesn't wanna fix it, she pulls her anger and insecurity on us, like she doesnt want me to be close to family members that she doesn't like
* no were not close, shes old fashioned and doesn't think that
*she thinks that im saying that because im a teenager and brain washed, and im not, these things kill me
*they won't take me seriously, they think my problems are stupid and im sensetive
* they think feelings and mental illness are light switches
* I hate being a teenager because of puberty and feelings and stereotypes and stigmas
*I feel labeled, my problems have been going on for 4 yrs, this proves im not really having pms or teenage ish problems
*I have obsessivecompulsive thinking, I go back to the horrible past to when I was bullied in 4th grade like the second I moved here, up to this day, my parents are clueless, now my days are ruined by these memories because it is easy to trigger these thoughts by everything around me
* I was misunderstood, underestimated,
power less, lost nmy voice, broken, and remember ing how i felt back then makes me upset
*I am friendless and no one in the school gets me, and im overly mature that none of the people in school has thst common sense.. I was in clubs, and it didnt help, I just csnt find right people
* I hate being called quiet, I am like phobic since what happened in 4th grade
* I dont see a point in living, I wanna die and I over think this: what the heck is life? What happens wjen we die?
* u might say i have depression, but no im not telling my parents, cuz I accepted the fact that I am miserable, I fotgot what loving lfe actually is, no one needs me. And I wont harm myself anyways. So im stuck.
* oh and I think im gonna fail because next yr grades are going to be in the transcript

[2NDFLOOR]

If you really feel like you really don’t care about living then reach out for help immediately. You can call NJ Hopeline @ (855) 654-6735 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255. I am glad that you state that “No” I won’t hurt myself but I just have to give you this information.

Finding a balance in life can be tricky! You have to balance, school work and home life and if things are a little tense between your mom it can a bit harder, but not impossible to manage. You just have to find out what things you can let go of and what things are essential to worry about. Set a goal for the day, write it down and then check it off as you do it. It can be homework, took a run, nice conversation with mom, etc. Try to take one thing at a time instead of constant worrying and over thinking everything. This habit of writing tasks or goals down can ease your nerves a bit. Also get in the habit of self-recognition so if you did good on a test give yourself credit for it instead of criticizing yourself. Maybe even treat yourself to something like an ice cream, clothes, shoes, night off of studying or something that you enjoy.

Listen, its normal to feel overwhelmed with the pressures of school and the higher the grade the more challenging the work can come. You definitely are smart and your grades are not terrible they are good grades, so don't be so hard on yourself. It does sounds like you are very hard on yourself, this can be a good and bad trait. Nothing is wrong with pushing yourself to be the best, yet you also need to be able to recognize when you are doing good, like I mentioned before.

Now you said that you have accepted the fact that you are miserable now why would you do that? There are always ways to change if you want to, but you have to want to change your unhappy thoughts about yourself and your situation. Have you ever heard of law of attraction, if you will it, it will come, so if you are thinking that you have to be unhappy then you will stay stuck. You sound like too smart of a person for that.

It also would benefit you to reach out to someone to talk about the struggles you are having, start at school, use the resources at your fingers, like a guidance counselor. Maybe you can have your guidance counselor bring your mom in to talk about some of the worries you are having with school. Having someone else there for support can make it a little easier to talk. You need to let out your feelings. Do you have a trusted friend that you can talk to? Aunt? Cousin? Here is the number to NJ Mental Health Cares as well, they can find you a local counselor in your area, call them at (866) 202-4357.

Just give yourself a break and try to not over think what could have, should have or might have happened. Focus on today and the now and remember tomorrow is a new day! Life is what you make it! You can do it!!
If you want to talk more about this or any other problem give 2NDFLOOR a call we are here 24/7 @ 888-222-2228 or text us every day from 4-8 pm @ 908-280-0235. Good luck!

[Unregistered]

theres more

What about the friends part?

[2NDFLOOR]

Sometimes we don't find people that understand us during middle school. It can be frustrating and lonely but I want you to know that you are not alone. Being quite isn't a bad thing so don't let others make you think otherwise. I hear that groups at school weren't working, but what about out of school? Maybe there is a summer camp or activity that you could sign up for that isn't associated with your school. Then you can start fresh with new people. This may help you to meet new people that you relate to better. If you would like to talk more call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline anytime or text us everyday from 4-8PM at 908-280-0235