Tweet
I really think I may suffer from some form of mild depression. I've looked up symptoms and basically all of them apply to me. I realize I shouldn't self-diagnose or depend on the internet for something like this, but I think this is a red flag. I've talked to my parents about seeing a therapist and they said that they don't believe in therapy so...I'm lost there. I usually try to confide in my best friend but, after a few moments of talking about my issues, I feel stupid and guilty and just end the convo because even though she says I could never annoy her, I feel like she just says it because she's my best friend. My parents always say I look miserable and I never talk to them, but at school I'm always happy and outgoing and they want me to act like how I act at school at home. In reality, they're right. But how I act at school is just a facade that I'm finding more difficult to keep up. All I want to do is sleep all day and when I'm talking with friends, sometimes it slips and I say something like "I want to die." Or "I want to sleep forever." And yesterday, one of my close friends told me to stop being so dramatic. I mean, I don't actually want to kill myself because I have a ton of plans for the future, but sometimes I really do want to just sleep forever. I just don't know where to put all my sadness. I'm always stressed about school because it's my junior year and I want to raise my GPA from a 3.6 to a 3.8 by the time I apply for colleges in the fall. Last night, I started crying in bed because I got an 89 on an assignment. If I don't get into my first choice school, I'm actually nervous about what I might do. I doubt I would actually kill myself physically but internally and emotionally, I probably would. I try to get rid of the sadness in not so healthy ways. I've self-harmed before, and I've tried to drink it away and I've tried to let a boy take it away and I realize now, that I'm the only person who can take it away but I don't know how. I don't want to talk about this with my school councilor or with teachers or anyone. Talking about my feelings has always been a bit of a struggle for me.
-
-
I am sorry that you feel so down right now and sometimes it is really difficult to ask for help, but it sounds like talking to a professional about your feelings would benefit you. Getting professional help will help you to work through your feelings and live a healthy life.
I also must say that if you are feeling like you really don't want to live anymore, then please call 911 or go to your local emergency room, someone there will be able to do a crisis evaluation and get you the help you need.
What do you do to feel better? Is there anyone you can talk to? Reach out to your parents or tell a trusted friend so you don't feel so overwhelmed by your emotions. I know you mentioned that you don't want to talk to your guidance counselor, but they are there to help! In the meantime here are some tools that can help, exercise is a great stress reducer, listening to music, watch a funny movie, do something to take your mind off of your sadness. Here is the number to NJ Mental Health Cares at 1-866-202-4357, it is a free, confidential mental health information and referral line.
If you need further assistance don’t hesitate to call 2NDFLOOR at any time to talk at 888-222-2228. We are here 24/7 to help you or text us Fridays at 908-280-0235 from 4-8pm.
Comment