I don't know what to do

[Unregistered]

Hi, I'm a 14 year old female and I'm new to this website and I've never done this before so yah. My best friend/cousin told me about the 2nd floor if i ever needed help with my issues. I don't know what to do, lately I've been feeling compelled i guess you could say to self harm. I'm almost 2 months clean but the thing is the urge to hurt myself keeps getting stronger, I'm scarred of myself because I know what I have done and can do to myself but the thing is don't like addmiting i need help whith anything. I just feel nothing right now and I've felt nothing for the past week and a half. I've had a hard past that i don't wanna talk about and I've only talked about it to one other person. All in all i feel like sh*t, like I've been a horible big sister(oldest of 5) and cousin, a afully mean person to my friend, and just a failure. I'm scarred to tell a counciler ( I've never had one) anything and I've told my cousin that I don't want one. The main reason I told my cousin I don't want a counciler is because I have trust issues. All i want to do this Saturday is lay in bed stair at the wood slab above me holding up the other bed( I share a room/and sleep on a trundle bed) and just listen to my heavy metal music. I am scarred because I'm trying to get better but i just feel worse than when i was self harming. I've been busy with my school work( homeshcooled) so I haven't been able to play the drumset or play my viola, which has been my main scorce of relise. So incunclusion I'm scarred and don't know what to do but I know i need help. (Sorry for any bad punctuation or spelling cause' I'm a sucky speller lol)

[2NDFLOOR]

Hello, it is great that you are reaching out to 2NDFLOOR regarding the feelings you are having. Let me start by saying the fact that you haven't self harmed in 2 months is an accomplishment that you should be proud of! If these feelings are starting to come back to you it would be really good to talk to someone about it. I know you said you don't want to see a counselor because of trust issues, but they are there to help you. Regarding the thoughts of suicide or feeling sad and depressed it would be best to try and do things you enjoy. For instance you said you enjoy music, listening to music is a good coping mechanism to how you are feeling. You can also try things like drawing or taking a walk to clear your head. A good website to look at would be www.selfinjury.com or www.selfharm.net. You can also text 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline on Friday nights from 4pm-8pm @ 908-280-0235 or call us anytime @ 888-222-2228 we are here to help!