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What does that mean?

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  • What does that mean?

    I know this is going to help me feel better sorting my thoughts; so here we go: (please read this carefully and make sure the response is elaborate, because I also appreciate depth in the responses)

    So I have a former teacher from highscool (i am now 22) who I am still in contact with every now and then. Most of our communication is via his school email and just last yr I visited him in his classroom. I just find that through our communication, he let's me into his personal/family life a lot. For example, he emailed me once saying that he found out his Dad once attended the same AA meetings that I intern with. When i visited him at aschool, he told me about his daughters being sick and he called his wife to talk about family matters with speaker on, share his reactions with me, and even spilled out his phone number as he's dialing it. And to me, it seems that our connection progressed where it isn't "student teacher" anymore rather than let's say a connection you'd have with your soccer coach or any other mentor where there isn't that strictness or formality; like yes there are still boundaries, but you know what I mean.

    I would like to also point out; I am mentally stable and have all the support in my life. So no I am not clingy or attached. But he does mean a lot to me.

    So I took this as a signal that it's okay to let's say add him on facebook, communicate through there as he had let several walls down and let me into his personal life. You know what he messaged me on facebook? That he usually doesn't friend students until they're at least 4 yrs out of highschool and then he sent me his personal email.

    I just find it very dissonant and conflicting given that I felt like our connection progressed with the way he engages me in his persoanl life, but also that he's willing to hear all about my life. He also told me that he wished he was able to attend my conference! Like you see?

    Like I sort of wished he has given me his phone number like my professors do or my former soccer coaches did, because it's just easier communication because I alawys have updates to share weith him and sometimes I want to ask for his opinion in direction I want to take in my life, and I just felt with the way he was acting, that it was approporite to move on from the formal way of communication to possible texting for that ongoing contact . I know you don't know and obviously you cannot read others' minds and their intentions, but I wonder what you think happened there? Like to present yourself in a way that's easy going and less formal, but then when I go along with it, you shut me down. It's kind of hypocrite and conflicting, dont you think?

  • #2
    hi there, thanks for reaching out to 2ndfloor. you mentioned "there are still boundaries"; what are they? perhaps part of the boundaries could be keeping social media out of the friendship at this time. it sounds like he also gave you another avenue to communicate which was via his email, so it doesn't seem like he shut you out, but instead gave you another option for communication as his clear boundary was a particular time frame out of high school. you might want to discuss it further with him if your feelings were hurt by this. feel free to call or text us at 2ndfloor 888-222-2228 if you need to talk about this more or have any other concerns.


    • #3
      As you mentioned, we aren't able to read people's minds or know their intentions. We are only able to control ourselves and our actions. You mentioned that he has a wife and daughters. One possibility is that he didn't want to make your friendship too informal, such as giving his phone number to you, because it might make his wife uncomfortable. He is still open to communicating with you by sharing a personal email and friending you on Facebook, where you can FB message, but he might've wanted to put up his own boundary. You can also have a conversation with him about how you feel and see what his response is, if you want a clear answer from him.


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