Hopeless

[Unregistered]

In 7th grade my dad sexually molested me which that was in 2012 and that was last time I ever saw him. DIFFUS gave him requirements to fulfill successfully and he hasn't done any of them if he starts and finishes the requirements successfully I could see him again ( supervised visit with a therapist present while seeing him ) My love for my dad is slowly dying meaning I am losing hope for loving him. I miss him even after the not good or inappropriate things he had done to me. Its August 4th 12:30 in the morning and I cant sleep ( meaning 12:30 in the morning I mean 30 minutes after midnight ) I already wrote a fake letter to my dad in my therapy journal and gave my grandfather my phone so that I don't go trying to call or text my dad. The fake letter was just writing down what i would like to say to my dad. I am fat and weigh 188 pounds and i know everything to lose weight and stuff its just that I am too depressed to try to lose weight I don't make healthy eating choices, I don't exercise, and at a meal I have too many proportions of food. I know everything of what to do to lose weight I just don't choose to do anything. I just posted this thread to get some advice.

[2NDFLOOR]

I’m sorry to hear about the abuse and that now you feel so down about yourself. Feeling depressed after sexual abuse can lead to feelings like sadness, hopelessness, and grief about the loss of your relationship with your dad. You said that you have trouble with your weight and have no motivation, this could be stemming from the abuse that you have experienced, so it is really important to get professional help. Reach out to your therapist and discuss how your depression is affecting your weight. I am sure that he/she will try to help and guide you in the right directions. Just be honest about how you are feeling so that the therapist can truly help you. If you ever need additional support NJ Mental Health Cares can offer help at 866-202-4357 or visit their website @ www.njmentalhealthcares.org.
It’s great that you have a relationship with your grandfather so use him as your support. Give yourself some time to heal from the abuse. Don’t be so hard on yourself about how your feeling. However long it takes you to start feeling better about yourself is okay, but just reach out and ask for guidance from your therapist that you have. I hope this has helped and you can call 2NDFLOOR anytime talk at 888-222-2228. We are here 24-7.