Scared to talk to my mom about suicidal thoughts

[Unregistered]

Okay, to start off, this is my first time messaging on 2ndFloor. My School counselor told me about it yesterday, and I think it's a nice option. I'm not really good at talking on the spot and to strangers on the phone, so I'm thankful to have this message board.

But to make things quick, I'm just going to write a shortened version.

My mom is coming home in about 8 minutes. I'm terrified. I've been dealing with major depression and anxiety for a while and I've been seeing a therapist, but I don't think my parents thought it was that bad. My science teacher sent me to the school therapist yesterday and I was honest with her, and told her I've had suicidal thoughts that I in no way would ever want to act upon. She told me that because I might hurt myself, she had to tell my parents. I reluctantly agreed, knowing it was for the best that my dad knew. She called him yesterday, and when I got home we had an hour long talk about what I've been going through. It's a little uncomfortable now though. I decided that since I had to explain things about 50 times in one day (I had a therapy session yesterday too) that I would wait until today to tell her, to sit down with her and my dad and have yet another talk. (Also I fell asleep at 6:45 right after therapy and didnt wake up until 5:45 this morning, I was so tired that I didn't get a chance to talk to her yesterday night.) Welp, that talk is coming up in about 3 minutes now, probably more because it takes her 15 minutes to actually get back from work. I'm not scared because my mom is evil and she abuses me or something like that no she is a wonderful kind lady who would never hurt me it's just...

How do you tell the person you love most in the world that you've had thoughts of leaving them, permanently? I'm my parents everything, being an only child. I would never want to hurt them. But she has to know what's been going on in my head.

What should I say? How should I approach it? Everything that's wrong with me my mom blames on herself, and I don't want her to feel guilty. Also my Uncle Mike lost his battle with cancer on Wednesday and I don't want to make things worse for her along those lines. She was crying all day Wednesday.

Please help me out.

-M

[2NDFLOOR]

Hi M,
Reaching out for help can be a scary thing to do, but you have been very brave in allowing those whom you love into your most private thoughts. Having thoughts about ending your life can feel very isolating. It is important when having these thoughts to find support from those who will make you feel less alone, such as your family and friends. It seems you have already begun to do this. From what you wrote it appears that your mother is kind and supportive. When speaking to her be honest so you can allow your mother to understand the full struggle you are facing. You can also tell her that these thoughts are not a result of anyone’s actions, and you are committed to getting help to prevent any further actions. It also sounds like your mother deeply cares for you and any information you tell her will only serve to create a more open line of communication. Things maybe a little uncomfortable at first, but this will get better once your parents have time to fully understand the information you tell them.