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I am almost fifteen years old and a freshman in high school. I go to a very competitive college preparatory school which causes me way more stress than i think someone my age should have to deal with. I have always been a straight A student and a generally happy girl but for the past year or so I've been depressed out of my mind and feeling suicidal. It's not the kind of suicidal where I think I'll actually act upon it but I still scare myself that I might. I also have been greatly considering self harm but I know that this will most likely not solve my problems, yet I still can't get the thought of trying it out of my mind. I know it is highly addictive and once i start, i might not be able to control myself. Even knowing this, I still have an internal battle to distract myself every time I lay my eyes on something sharp. It's almost like I'm becoming addicted before I even tried it. I have been feeling as if my future is hopeless. I never imagine what I'll be doing in the next 5, 10, 20 years because I just don't see it happening. I feel as if I was meant to die young and that that's okay. Two weeks ago, my English teacher went on and on about how grades such as 92's and 93's will not get you into a top college and to forget about ivies if you have below a 95 in her class. This really added to my feeling of my future being hopeless. I almost feel as if the only things stopping me from suicide is the burden I'd be putting on my family and friends. I almost wish I could just die of some natural cause right now. I actually feel guilty for being depressed because I know that there are people who have it way worse than me. My parents love me unconditionally and I have always had tons of friends. I have never been able to deal with stress very well and I feel like if I get any more stressers in my life I will fall apart. Although I am not a shy person, I can't get myself to tell anyone about how I feel because I just cant put it into words. No one, not even my mom whom I am very close with, would have the slightest clue how I actually feel inside. I'm getting to the point where I have frequent breakdowns and even when I'm happy, I still feel sad. Please respond and thanks in advance.
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I am glad that you reached out to us that took a lot of courage! It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. I must say if you are feeling suicidal, it would be best to call 911 or your local hospital's crisis center for help. It would also be best to tell someone who is available to you every day, like a guidance counselor, school nurse, or even a doctor.
Depression is such a tough challenge to go through. Feeling depressed can often include sadness, withdrawal, pain, and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, so again it is really important to get professional help. NJ Mental Health Cares can offer help too at 866-202-4357 or visit their website @ www.njmentalhealthcares.org.
I know it can seem hard to talk about your feelings, but it truly will help when you can finally release it. There is no reason to go through all of this alone, there is help available! You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK (8255) to talk about your feelings or 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228 for support! We are here 24/7. -
wait what
what can the police do for you though?thats what im wonderingComment
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