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Hi 2nd floor I am going through a lot right now.. Im a freshmen and a lot has been going on In my life. My parents are filing for bankruptcy they fight all of the time and I can't handle l of the stress and bullying that I endure at school . I do self harm and I feel guilty. I talk to my school pyschiatrist and we haven't discussed it in a while because I've brought up other things. I've had suicidal thoughts for months and I'm finally getting therapy. The thing is, my mom doesn't know that I still cut. I feel awful because I went to the store and bought pencil sharpeners and took the blade out of them and harmed myself with them. I threw the blades away but I don't understand why I crave it so badly . I felt like I didn't feel anything emotionally. Physically the pain was there but emotionally I felt numb and didn't cry or anything ... I've become so used to cutting that it doesn't scare me . But I've decided that even though I don't understand completely what I'm feeling, I want to get out of this black hole and enjoy life. I had a really rough day and I can't stand crying now.. Is there any way out of this pain? The cutting only provides temporary relief but it feels like it lasts a lifetime .. Any advice? I'm terrified because I can't tell if I cut too deep because it was a wake up call of how dangerous the blades really were. I don't want to be judge because everyone makes mistakes and I'm acknowledging what I'm doing wrong it's just after years of bundling everything up, I can't take it anymore and I can't handle it on my own. I need some encouragement or advice because at the moment it feels like im sinking deeper and deeper into a hole of sadness and confusion. Thanks for reading this ..
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In some cases, cutting is done because it is a way to momentarily forget the emotional pain that a person is experiences. The physical pain of cutting distracts from thinking about parents fighting, bullying and bankruptcy. The problem with it, is that once you are done cutting the problems are still there, plus you now have the cutting to deal with. Check out the website www.selfinjury.com for more info on dealing with cutting in a positive manner. It does sound like you have a good support system set up around you. Use that support system to your benefit. Don't hid things from people that are trying to help you out, that's not going to allow you to get help. Be honest with the people around you that want to help you out. Getting treatment and therapy and dealing with your problems the right way isn't always easy and it takes time, however, if it is done properly, you will most likely eventually get help for your issues. Unlike cutting, which provides a quick fix, however, does nothing in the long term to help you deal with your problems. Call us anytime at 888-222-2228. -
I know that everyone goes through rough times and has suicidal thoughts sometimes but I have then very frequently and idk what to do. My mom thinks I'm okay.. I feel like no one understands. It feels so lonely
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