Tweet
Ok, so I'm gonna bleep out some of the words in here (since I know foul language isn't wanted nor needed on this website).
Ever since I was younger, I have been called names. I was always bullied in school, my brothers constantly picked on me, my mom and I argue a lot, and my father was very abusive…
But lately, I have been called one name in particular; b*tch. I found out that my "friends" weren't really my friends; they simply lied to me about being my friends because they felt bad for me. Then, I found out that they have been calling me a "b*tch" and "drama queen" ever since I met them. Also, my (twin) brother {who has pretty bad anger issues, like my dad} moved out of my mom's house to go live with my dad, but before doing so, stated that I'm a "fat and annoying b*tch." Furthermore, my older brother {who is pretty ignorant/obnoxious} always has friends over. Sometimes, when they get too loud (like even now, for example– it's 2:30am and he has a friend over and they are extremely loud...burping, blasting the TV, etc.), I will nicely just knock on the door and ask him to lower the volume on the TV. He gets all mad at me and tells me that it's already really low. I still insist that it's kinda loud, and his friends mimic me/laugh at me, and then he says in an obvious mumble: "She's such a b*tch." To add, my Mom and I have always bickered (simply because she claims that I'm "weird" or "strange" if I have a different opinion than her), but lately she has been calling me a b*tch under her breath and to her friends (I saw a text on her phone to our neighbor, claiming that I'm in a "b*tchy mood," and she has said rude things to them about me when I leave the room). Lastly, my Dad always called me "worthless," "a b*tch," "fat," "tubby," "chubby," "slow" (as in Autistic–which isn't funny, considering that is not a joke), and many more. Luckily, I no longer reside with him and technically he can't speak to me unless I speak to him (we [my siblings and mom] have a legal document stating so).
My point here is; why am I such a b*tch? I do have a pretty low self-esteem, and I know I do, but I think all of these people are right… I am a b*tch and annoying and fat and whatnot. But I want to change! I really do! I mean I tried to talk to them but they don't get me, and cutting didn't make anything better (but it made me feel better), and no one believed me when they found out about my suicide date and previous attempts (they somewhat question the date, but they definitely don't believe me about the attempts), and I am getting professional help weekly. But I just want to change! How do I change? Please someone answer me soon, because I really need to know.
Ever since I was younger, I have been called names. I was always bullied in school, my brothers constantly picked on me, my mom and I argue a lot, and my father was very abusive…
But lately, I have been called one name in particular; b*tch. I found out that my "friends" weren't really my friends; they simply lied to me about being my friends because they felt bad for me. Then, I found out that they have been calling me a "b*tch" and "drama queen" ever since I met them. Also, my (twin) brother {who has pretty bad anger issues, like my dad} moved out of my mom's house to go live with my dad, but before doing so, stated that I'm a "fat and annoying b*tch." Furthermore, my older brother {who is pretty ignorant/obnoxious} always has friends over. Sometimes, when they get too loud (like even now, for example– it's 2:30am and he has a friend over and they are extremely loud...burping, blasting the TV, etc.), I will nicely just knock on the door and ask him to lower the volume on the TV. He gets all mad at me and tells me that it's already really low. I still insist that it's kinda loud, and his friends mimic me/laugh at me, and then he says in an obvious mumble: "She's such a b*tch." To add, my Mom and I have always bickered (simply because she claims that I'm "weird" or "strange" if I have a different opinion than her), but lately she has been calling me a b*tch under her breath and to her friends (I saw a text on her phone to our neighbor, claiming that I'm in a "b*tchy mood," and she has said rude things to them about me when I leave the room). Lastly, my Dad always called me "worthless," "a b*tch," "fat," "tubby," "chubby," "slow" (as in Autistic–which isn't funny, considering that is not a joke), and many more. Luckily, I no longer reside with him and technically he can't speak to me unless I speak to him (we [my siblings and mom] have a legal document stating so).
My point here is; why am I such a b*tch? I do have a pretty low self-esteem, and I know I do, but I think all of these people are right… I am a b*tch and annoying and fat and whatnot. But I want to change! I really do! I mean I tried to talk to them but they don't get me, and cutting didn't make anything better (but it made me feel better), and no one believed me when they found out about my suicide date and previous attempts (they somewhat question the date, but they definitely don't believe me about the attempts), and I am getting professional help weekly. But I just want to change! How do I change? Please someone answer me soon, because I really need to know.
Comment