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To shorten a long story I have depression, anxiety, and ADD, and I'm currently in partial hospitalization because my psychiatrist thought it would be best. My problem is that I feel completely stuck. I know depression and anxiety don't go away overnight and it takes months to years to feel better but I feel like I'm just stuck in the same exact place as I was when I was diagnosed five years ago. Like I haven't made any progress at all. In fact, I'd like to say I've gotten worse. I always feels anxious and stressed, no matter what I do, I don't even remember the last time I was truly happy, and while I've stopped self harming and don't have any plans to commit suicide right now, I still have suicidal thoughts every night and I feel absolutely miserable. I just want to die and be done with everything. It feels easier. On top of that, my life has become a joke as far as responsibilities go. I stopped going to school weeks ago because I just couldn't handle it anymore. Like, what I'm living isn't even a life. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human. I can't handles school, I don't even remember what joy feels like, I'm honestly just a waste of air. I don't even know where to start to fix myself.
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While it is easy to understand why you feel frustrated with your current situation, you aren't pathetic and you aren't a waste of air. Just like all of us, you are a work in progress. The first thing that is good that you're doing is getting treatment. Both from a psychiatrist and in the hospital. Continue to take care of your mental health and it should improve with time. Make sure you are taking care of yourself in every way possible that you have control over because they can impact mental health as well. Eat healthy, real food, exercise daily, avoid drugs (non-prescribed) and alcohol and get an appropriate amount of sleep. Some people find yoga and/or meditation to be helpful forms of exercise. Look at the progress you have made as well, instead of focusing on what is still wrong. You've stopped self harming and having plans to commit suicide, both of which are big steps in a positive direction. Having thoughts of suicide is still something you should be addressing in your treatment, maybe at some point you'll feel up to going back to school, but not going doesn't make you a joke. Call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228.
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