Sadness turned to Anger...J

[Guest]

So then, from a long and almost torturous experience of being able to rehabilitate me from a long train of suicidal attempts, tendencies and severe depression we have made full circle. I'm going back to therapy as my violent actions have turned away from my own arm to other people. After long sessions of therapy, we have come the realization that I had always been angry. That I had always been violent and had a strange hatred for others, whether it would be for one reason or another, but the fact that I was so angry didn't change my fear of my own actions and the consequences that could've lead to my own or someone else pain. Apparently, I forced sadness into myself a defensive mechanism to protect others from myself. I forced thoughts of criticism, and self-doubt, put doubt and self-loathing as a way to make myself think there is no way I could ever hurt someone else.
Now that I have finally gotten control of my sadness, my artificial thoughts, and become a master at preventing the panic that creeps into my body as i truly believe that I am the worst person in and only a burden onto this world and my friends and family. My anger no longer has a locked door that kept it away from others. I've been seeing my therapist about this talking thins through, and as much as I appreciate the help she is giving me, I am getting ready to go to college, a thought that keeps me up at night, and brings tears and hatred to my very being, ( but this would be for a different time) I am afraid that I won't be able to change in time. I am afraid of hurting others, but I don't want to force myself back into hurting myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to feel normal for once in my life. Do you have any advice?

[2NDFLOOR]

Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR today! It is a great thing that you have been in therapy and are able to realize so much more about yourself now. The thoughts of going away to college at times can be difficult for anyone, but one important thing to remember is what your therapist taught you and coping mechanisms to work with when you are feeling certain ways. One thing you can do when you get to school, is find the therapist that is on campus. They normally have counseling centers on each campus that can help you continue with therapy if you feel that is something that would be beneficial to you. I suggest you continue to use the support you have also gotten and talk to your therapist that you have now about ways to continue coping with your feelings in the future! Please feel free to call or text us anytime @ 888-222-2228, we are here 24/7!