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I want to be happy..but my thoughts make me think differently. What's the point of being alive? Why am i still breathing...why am i still typing? I've heard it all and i don't believe it'll get better. My own boyfriend just told me "if you were truely sorry you would've stopped cutting".. It all hurts. Im not good at anything and i've tried killing myself multiple times but i guess I'm not even good at ending my own life. Im just pathetic. I tried telling my mom. Even cops showed up at my house due to someone in my school saying im suicidal and that im a cutter..yet still no therapy or anything. I just learned to accept that it'll never get better and that im worthless and i dont belong here. I don't want to be here.
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I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. The pain in your post is very evident and clearly you could use some help. You're reaching out, which is a great thing and shows that some part of you believes you can get better. Lets look at a few different things, starting with getting help...is there a reason why your Mom hasn't started the process of getting you into some form of therapy? And if so, how can you get past it? Maybe it's financial or she doesn't recognize how much pain you are currently in, but here's a suggestion to start getting help. This is a therapist finder:
https://therapists.psychologytoday.c...SAAEgI6VvD_BwE
Put in your zip code and you'll get a list of therapists in your area. You can even use the menu on the left side to get very specific about what you're looking for. Go to your Mom with a list of the therapists you find and tell you you'd really like to get help. If that doesn't work, talk to your school counselor and see if she/he would be willing to set up a meeting with your Mom to discuss how essential therapy is for you right now. Clearly you do have people in your life that care about you and want to see you get better, which is great. Let them be a support system for you and use them if you need them. Also, and I know this might be difficult right now, try working on thinking positively. You're not worthless, you do belong here and you can get better! Even saying these things to yourself can help. As always, if you ever feel like you are going to act on any of your suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK or the NJ Hopeline at 855-654-6735. You can call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228.
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