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Okay so ive never done anything like this before and I would have called but for some strange reason I hate talking over the phone. Anyways im a freshman in high school, on the field hockey team, in honors classes, and I seem like this outgoing happy girl on the outside. But on the inside its all dark and dreary. I beat myself up all the time over everything. Im so hard on myself. My 'friends' make me feel so bad about myself. They're always picking apart what im wearing or eating or something that I said. I dont like myself. I think im fat and I workout at least 3 times a week for two hours each day. Ive lost weight but I still dont feel better about myself. My family always jokes around calling me chubby when I go into the fridge to get a snack or something. And my friends call me fatty. I weigh 125lbs and im 5'5. About 3 weeks ago my field hockey coach died. It was sudden. She pasted away in her sleep. I was talking to her in person just a few hours before she died. About a week after that me and my boyfriend broke up. We're still friends or at least trying to be. He wants to get back together and I really dont want to. He was really controlling and he would get mad at me if I didn't do what he told me to do. It just wasn't a good relationship. My parents dont get along that great. They're both always talking bad about eachother to me. I dont even know what to say to them anymore. I mean im their daughter not their best friend. Whenever I talk about something thats bothering me or how i feel about myself no one takes me seriously. I have no one to talk to anymore. All my friends are fake, my parents don't get it, and the rest of my family doesn't want to be bothered with me. I dont know whats going on with me or what to do anymore. I just want to be that happy girl that everyone thinks I am
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This sounds like a lot of stuff for any one person to be dealing with, it's no wonder you feel so overwhelmed. Lets start with the person you present to others. If you present yourself as a "outgoing happy girl" people are going to assume that everything is alright. It's ok to show people you are sad sometimes or need someone for support. As far as the name calling from friends and family, it's ok to voice your thoughts to them as well. It's not fair to call you "fatty" and judge you for eating. Everyone eats and your weight for your height isn't overweight, so tell them that the name calling really hurts and your sick of being judged by them. It's possible that they don't recognize they are hurting you if you've never told them. Sorry about your coach, that's really tough. Make sure you express your feelings about this and don't keep them bottled up. It's great that you recognize you were in an unhealthy relationship and you do deserve to be treated better than that. Keep an open eye out and the right person will come along. It's also ok to tell mom and dad that your uncomfortable when they talk to you about the other one. Again, maybe they don't realize they are doing it or that it's bothering you, so let them know nicely. If you feel like you have no one to talk to, maybe you can discuss seeing a professional with your parents. A mental health counselor can help you work through some of your issues and give you a place to vent. Most of the time, it can be paid for with insurance and you may have a co-pay. Call us anytime at 888-222-2228.
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