What should I call this?

[Unregistered]

[It gets a bit weird, I swear I'm not crazy though] I'm so confused right now, I don't understand why I feel like this. For a few months now I've just felt sad, and alone, no matter what. More and more often, I just want to die, and I don't know why. I could never go through with killing myself but I just wish I wasn't alive at times. I'm getting into more and more trouble, to the point where (I will sound 10000% insane but bare with me) I feel like I'm getting signs to when I'm going to get in trouble, and it's preparing me. It's crazy, I know, but I'm actually terrified right now as to how accurate it is. It usually happens in dreams, but one night, I had a dream where I would get in a crap ton of trouble with my dad, and he would hit me, and a few days later, it freaking happened. But the thing that scares me, is how detailed my dreams are, like what they are wearing, where we are, and what I'm doing at that moment. So, last night, I had a dream, my dad was wearing his work clothes (Normally a tee shirt and jeans, but he was wearing a white, dirty shirt with holes, and blue jeans with a hole on his one knee, and white socks.) and I was wearing my blue and purple striped pajama pants, and a Twenty One Pilots shirt. I can't remember exactly what he got angry about, but it happened in my living room, and he jumped up and grabbed me and started hitting me, but I kind of was fighting back so he wouldn't hit me as hard (I usually do that too) and he started pulling my hair, and his voice, it sounded so real. It sounded so much like him, and It terrified me. It happened at night, around 6 or 7 pm and my mom was in her usual seat on the couch, on her phone. I remember exactly what my brother and sister were wearing too, and now I'm really scared. Please just tell me it's nothing, because I don't want this to happen. The things he was yelling is heartbreaking "You're such a f***ing retard! Who do you think you are?" was one I heard a lot. I don't want this to happen, so all day I've just been trying to be nice to everyone, so I don't annoy them. There are other "signs" but I don't want you thinking I'm even more insane. I'm sorry x.

[2NDFLOOR]

Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR. Before I go any further if you are having thoughts of suicide please contact 911 immediately or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. This is not something that you should be going through alone. From what you are telling me above it's not the dreams that I'm most concerned with but the physical hitting that is actually happening by your father. This is considered to be physical abuse. I understand that this is a really scary and upsetting situation, but it's important to report this abuse. This number is the state child abuse hotline 1-877-652-287 you can call and report the abuse. If that seems too overwhelming or scary you can also report this to your school, an adult you trust, or you can call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline and we can report it for you. No matter what your dad might have been angry about in no way does that justify being physically violent towards you. Remember this is not your fault. These feelings you are having are not crazy. We are so glad that you made the first step in reaching out for help by sharing your story with us. That was incredibly brave. There are people here that want to help you. Please do not hesitate to contact 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline if you want to talk more. You can call or text us 24/7 at 888-222-2228.