I Don't Know What's Happening To Me

[itsmo]

I just feel so hopeless. Nothing is going my way and I'm not sure how to handle it. For about 2 and a half years I have been experiencing frequent panic attacks, awful anxiety, and depression. I've almost killed myself so many times and I've tried before and I self harm. I mean I'm not even sure what's going on, it's not like I've actually been diagnosed with depression or anything. I have an alright life minus certain situations. I don't understand why I am this way. There is nothing traumatic that has happened to me to cause this and it makes me hate myself even more. I don't understand why I'm like this. I'm so stupid this shouldn't even be happening! I just don't know why and i feel like im just screwing up everyone's lives with my unreasonable issues. I should just get rid of myself and make everyone elses lives easier.

[2NDFLOOR]

I want to commend you for reaching out, despite how hopeless you've been feeling. I'm sorry that you've been experiencing such pain for over 2 years. Speaking up about your emotions is the first step to feeling better, so you are on the right track to helping yourself. Have you shared your experience with your parents/guardians or any other adults you trust? Telling an an adult can help you to get further support with your painful emotions. I notice you mentioned that you have not been "diagnosed" with depression, so it sounds like you may not have spoken to any mental health professionals about your concerns. Pursuing counseling or therapy can help you to express your difficult feelings and where they're coming from, as well as support you in exploring healthier ways to cope. It may be scary to open up at first, but speaking to your school's guidance counselor can be a great place to start. Your guidance counselor may be able to help you explain what you've been going through to your parents/guardians, so you can ultimately get further professional help. Also, it's important to know that your feelings are valid, regardless of any other experiences you may have had. Having the experience of negative emotions is not your fault and does not mean you are stupid. There is nothing you have done to cause this pain, but you are already on your way to helping yourself!

If you need any help finding a therapist/counselor, you can check out https://www.psychologytoday.com/. All you need to do is put your zipcode in the search bar and you can find mental health professionals in your area. If you live in NJ you can try the New Jersey Mental Health Cares helpline at 866-202-4357. They can also support you to find a mental health professional near you. For more support with coping strategies outside of self-harm, you can check out http://sioutreach.org/. If you feel truly unsafe and want to seriously hurt yourself, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can always call or text us 24/7 if you need any further support. Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline!