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I've been depressed for the last year and a half or so. (I know its not that long compared to others but it feels like forever.) I got a little better over the summer, but now that schools back I'm having panic attacks again. Both my mom and sister have anxiety disorders and both, mainly my mom, is taking out her stress on me since my sister left for college. I feel like my sister left me behind to deal with this and now its my responsibility to both calm my mom down and "absorb" some of her stress to take the pressure off of her. my sister and i used to share that responsibility but now that she's halfway across the country i feel alone. my dad doesn't know how to handle it either so I feel like I'm sort of on my own. On top of that my depression is coming back. I've told like 10 of my friends but only like 3 people know how bad it really is. I'm not cutting but i feel worthless and i hate how i look and how I'm super quirky and how much i weigh and i have suicidal thoughts and i know exactly how i would kill myself if the time should come. of course, i hate having these thoughts and having no control over them. I've tried therapy and I've told my parents that it helps but it really doesn't. i don't know how to tell them that I'm depressed again, let alone having suicidal thoughts. I have 1 place and 1 person that can really calm me down but i only have access to them over the weekend. i want to stop thinking these things and i need help with my mom. I'm only 15 years old and i don't want to feel like i have to die to make things better. please help. thank you <3
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You sure sound like you have a lot going on in your head right now and you sound like your being overwhelmed by it all. It is OK to be depressed, not that it's fun, but it's not something you shouldn't share with your loved ones, especially if you're not currently getting the help you need to feel better. If you're feeling depressed and suicidal, you should be getting the mental health help that you need. I know you said it hasn't worked in the past, but consider two things. 1. Try a different therapist. They aren't like a medical doctor where if you break your arm, 10 out of 10 doctors would take the same steps to heal it. Therapist operate differently, have different methods and techniques, if the one you went to didn't help, go to another and another until you do feel like you are getting help. 2. You are not the same person now as you were when you first got help. You've changed and grown over time, in some ways maybe for the better and in some ways, maybe you feel worse, but you're different now. Think of a drug addict, which is also a mental health issue, who goes into rehab 5 times before something finally clicks and they get it. Bottom line is don't give up on therapy because it hasn't worked once, especially if you're dealing with depression with suicidal thoughts. Maybe you could even talk to your Mom about getting therapy together and get help for both of your issues at the same time. Dying is not going to make anything better, it would just rob you of an opportunity to live a fulfilling life. Things/people/life changes all the time, and I won't lie and say it will always be perfect, because it won't. Life has it's ups and downs, but for most people it's worth the bad times to experience the good times. If you ever feel like you're going to hurt yourself, call 911, call the NJ Hopeline at 1-855-654-6735 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. If you ever need to talk or text about your feelings, getting help or just to vent, give us a try at 888-222-2228.
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