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I've been thinking about killing myself every time I go to bed but I don't want to mill myself because I know I can get better and I know I'm strong to get through this but I'm done trying. I've suffered long enough and I just wanna rest in peace. I don't cut or smoke or do any drugs because I don't believe in doing that because I'm straight edge but sometimes I just wanna smoke weed or something get my mind off of things but I know i shouldn't. I just wanna die and then I think to myself if I die you'll leave people that will cry that you died. I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do. My parents don't know because I don't want them to worry and I don't wanna tell them. I need help I'm suffering. I don't want to hear the same old same old "it gets better" because I know it's does but I'm suffering a lot.
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I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time right now, but I am happy to see that you recognize that suicide IS NOT the answer to your problems. I won't tell you the same old thing that everyone else does, because it doesn't just "get better" as if by magic. It gets better when you begin putting in the effort to work on the things that are wrong. Telling your parents may make them worry, but it will also put you into a position to start getting help. Keeping your feelings to yourself to save others from worrying is not going to help you get better. Taking steps to speak about what your going through, no matter how difficult it may seem, is what is going to start to help you get better. If not your parents, how about another trusted adult in a position of power in your life, such as a guidance counselor or maybe a religious figure? Someone that has the ability to help you begin the process of getting better. There are also two suicide hotlines that you might find helpful. One is the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and they can be reached at (800) 273-TALK (8255) and the other is the NJ Hopeline and they can be reached at (855) 654-6735. There is no need to continue to suffer alone when there are plenty of people out there that are willing and able to help. Call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228. -
Voices
I also have voices which makes the situation even more harder. They keep saying that I can't have feelings because that makes me weak and I can't cry at all. It's a constant battle with me and them because I'm trying to get better but they just don't want me to get better and they tell me what to do. That's why I don't wanna tell my parents because I'm afraid that if I say something they're going to think I'm weak.Comment
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Having feelings and expressing your emotions does not make you weak. If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts it can be hard to ignore these types of thoughts or the voices in your head telling you not to reach out for help. However, your strength is that you are reaching out for help. Commenting on this message board shows that telling someone what you are going through you can start to get the support that you need. Your strength is recognizing that you don't feel like yourself and wanting something to change. I can't tell you how your parents will react to this. But asking for help and telling them you are feeling this way does not make you weak. If for some reason you don't get the reaction that you need from them you can talk to someone else about it. You can talk to another adult you trust, as mentioned above. You can talk to a therapist or counselor. It does take time and work to get through something like this, but you should not have to go through it alone. If you want to talk more call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline 24/7 or text us daily 4-8PM at 888-222-2228.Comment
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