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reflecting on my life, this past year was absolutely horrible. Starting from the age of about 9, i made a horrible mistake, i'd rather not speak of it. it makes me feel very guilty now and i'm very depressed about it. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me sick. I've always wanted to talk to my mom about it, because she always helps me so much. However, i feel this one will make her hate me. i really want to talk to her about it. last night, i was crying all night and didn't get any sleep because i felt so horrible. this morning, when i went to school, i felt so nervous about what i've been doing and trying to talk to her that i threw up in the hallway. i do self harm sometimes, but rarely. what can i do? tonight, i thought she was asleep so i ran out to the kitchen to get some water because i was feeling horrible about the past (and present). i haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i think i am depressed. anyways, i was sniffling a lot (because i was crying) so she heard me and came out of her room. she saw me crying and pulled me into the bathroom and asked me what was wrong. she said she noticed how different i've been lately. i only gave her about 1/4 of what has really been happening/what had happened. she told me to realize what happened, admit that it was wrong, and although you might think about it, try not to do it ever again. i really appreciate her advice but its not that easy to just forget about something, give it up, and move on. what do i do???
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I'm so sorry that you have been going through such a difficult time and not feeling like you are able to talk to anyone about it. Regardless of how often you self harm this is also something you should talk to your mom or a trusted adult about. You could also ask your mom if you could speak to a counselor if you don't feel that you are ready to talk to her about this yet. You could also right your mom a letter if that makes it easier to get it all out. She's your mom, and although I don't know her, it sounds like she really cares about you so even though whatever it is might upset you, I do not believe that she will hate you. It sounds like right now you really do need to talk about whatever happened. Sometimes just getting it off our chests can start the healing process. We all make mistakes but it's how we learn from these mistakes that matters now. You're right it is extremely difficult to just forget the thing that happened, but you don't have to forget it just remember that the past is not what we control. We can only control our future decisions. I hope that this helps and I hope that you are able to talk to your mom about this. If you want to talk to us more call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline 24/7 or text us daily 4-8PM at 888-222-2228.
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