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For most of the past two years I've dealt with a lot of problems. I was cutting myself in the sixth grade, then I relapsed in the summer going into seventh, then I kept self harming up until around February this year. I've dealt with DYFS a lot since January this year too. I'm in a school program called Ess and everything. I was never diagnosed with depression but I know that I defiantly had it before maybe. Well, today I looked up the symptoms of depression and I am showing almost all of them. I'm tired and I feel sick all the time and and I don't want to hang out with any of my friends. I think I have anxiety too because I never like to hang out with my friends anymore but I feel like I have to have friends. The thing is for the past month or two I relapsed a few times and now for the past week or so I just really don't want to have to deal with anybody. I feel pretty much nothing all the time. Sometimes I smile and get a little happy but that's only once in a while. Today I went into the city with my mom and my aunt and all I wanted to do the whole time was go home. I want to tell somebody that I think I'm depressed but I feel like everybody (especially my friends" would brush it aside and think that it's nothing but I really think I should go on some sort of medication. I want to be happy and I feel like I might have depression and I really want to do something about it but I dont want to talk about it with my parents or any of my teachers. I feel like it would just be so surprising to them and I couldn't bare to see the reaction. I know I need help I just don't know what my options are.
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It definitely sounds like you been through a lot over the past few years. Did you have a support system when your were self harming? I'm not sure if that was something you went through completely on your own or had the help of others to get through. Either way you need a support system now. You have many options you just have to find the courage to use them. You need to talk to mom, dad, a guidance counselor, or other trusted adult so they can find the help you need. It sounds like you are still fairly young and need the support of someone older. It can be helpful to open up to a close friend but it is your judgment on whether they would take you seriously or not and also motivate you to find the help you need. It will be hard to do this on your own and I encourage you to reach out before it gets worse. If you feel comfortable you can call us here at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline and we can practice ways you can talk to your mom or another adult about the way you are feeling. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228 or you can text us daily between 4pm and 8pm. I really hope you decide to take the next step in asking for help. This can only make things better, not worse. We hope to hear from you if you need further help with doing this.
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