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I've never fit in, but I've always had hope that things would get better somehow. I guess I was an idiot to believe that. I'm eighteen and I just graduated highschool. Turning eighteen was one of the most depressing birthday's I've ever had. I have absolutely no friends, so nobody to celebrate with. Nothing feels the same anymore and I realized how pathetically alone I am. I was going to go to go to school for art, I even got accepted, but I changed my mind and I'm doing nothing now. I'm a loser, with no job experience and I'm not even going to college yet. I hate waking up every morning, I wish I never had to again. I let myself down and I know I'm letting everyone down around me. I'm embarrassed of myself so I make excuses as to why I can't do anything. I just isolate myself. I used to read, write, draw, play sports and love life. Now, I barely know what joy feels like anymore. I just sit by myself all day, not wanting to leave the house. What's the point of living if I'm never going to be happy? What's the point of living without love or purpose? I know people will say I'm worth something, but that's a lie. I don't think I even deserve life, so many people would do anything for it and I waste it. I don't think I'll be here much longer, I don't know if I'm even supposed to post this sort of thing, but I don't care anymore. Nobody listens and nothing is changing. It's only going to get worse...
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Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. If you are having thoughts of suicide or believe that you might attempt suicide contact 911 right away or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 800 273 8255 to talk about these thoughts. By reaching out to us you have already shown, that even if you can't realize it now, you do want to live. Suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know how awful it might feel right now, but with help you don't have to feel this way everyday. If you aren't already, find a counselor or therapist that you can talk to on a weekly basis. The logical reason to stay alive is that you still have so much life to live. This is a rough patch, but something that with help you can work through. I know it seems like this time in your life will never end, but there are many people who struggle with knowing what they want to do, going to college or vocational training or getting a job. But first you need to feel better emotionally and then that will help you have a positive outlook on life. You have to figure out what you are passionate about and then go for it! People who felt the way you do now, but who asked for help and began treatment that they needed. Reaching out to us and living with these feelings everyday shows how brave and strong you are. We want to help you in anyway that we can. If you call us we can talk these thoughts out with you which you might find helpful. Please call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline anytime, we are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228 or text us every Friday 4-8PM at 908-280-0235 we want to help!! You said you don't have anyone but we are here for you and you don't have to go through this alone!
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