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I don't know where to begin. But I have looked for help everywhere and anywhere. I have never thought I'd resort to posting on this. But I honestly have no other options. I guess I should begin with my story. My name is Crystal. I don't know if I can post any specific information about me so I'll just say that. I'm currently 16. And my life, ever since childhood and becoming aware of it all, has been a mess. All my life I've lived with my father. My mother wast around because she had her own issues. And of course that brought questions and curiosity but I didn't probe into that much. So I've spent most of my childhood not really being in contact with her. I depended on my father for the simple things. Food, shelter, clothes. I assume life was alright. But not entirely. My father would beat me but I'd think it was normal. I am of a hispanic ethnic background. So it's only normal, right? Wrong. Getting older I started to realize things were very wrong with my life. I was very isolated from people, and yes I was social but in most ways anti social because I did not know how to socialize with other kids my age. I felt as if I didn't belong, as if we couldn't relate to anything. My maturity level was at one of a high schooler at the age of 8. As people themselves started maturing in their confusing adolescent ways, I began to get bullied. This lasted for all of my remainding school years. Which was from gradeschool, 3rd grade, to high school sophomore year. It's been a long time since I've returned to school. During this process, I was very confused and lost. My father and I got into even deeper arguments and he continued to be violent. I became very very depressed. My first time trying to commit suicide was at the age of 8. My older brother found me and that is possibly the most saddest moment of my life. Because he is my role model. Anyway, I began to go into series of hospital stays. Where they promised help, but it felt more like a prison. There, no one, not one person believed me. My father would put on an act and my word would be completely disregarded. "He loves you. He's doing the best for you. He just wants you to get better." When in reality, I am fighting for my right to live happily. No one believed me..it killed me to know that I was in a world full of loud voices that yelled at me constantly. Calling me a liar, telling me I'm wrong. And worse. Labeling me things, telling me that I'm crazy. Each time I came home, we'd get into a deeper arguement. I picked up self harming. I remember once him walking into my room calling me a "stupid wh**re." I remember when I ran to the back of the house trying to escape him and i was so weak I resulted to wanting to self harm because it's all I knew and he slammed my face into the wall and as I ran away he tackled me onto the ground away began to beat me in front of friends. I remember getting so bad into this hole, deeper into this mess I became pregnant and we argued that day over something else and he began to beat me in the car so I jumped out onto my knees. And he wanted to take me into the hospital because it was my fault. I found I was pregnant the same day and I lost the baby as well. What pains me the most is that he has always maze me feel that all this is my fault. It hurts me that I try so hard to please him and i believe that it's my fault..I admit I've made mistakes, I fell into drugs, I fell into unsafe sex, alcohol, self harm. But I survived all that. I've became clean, I have always complied with treatment. Everywhere I went, when they understood me I felt so happy. I felt heard. But then he'd do something and the minute he did, I was the one who's wrong. All I ever wanted was his love, his acceptance. I always asked myself, why did he treat me like this? Because of him I lost everything. My childhood, my education, 16 years with my mother, my happiness, my dignity, and my will to live. I discovered he's treated my mother the same way. And my older sister. Luckily he kicked her out at the age of 16. So she was able to escape that early. I am so tired of looking for help everywhere, screaming for help. Telling everyone, look at what he's done. He isn't telling you the truth. I love this man. With my heart and soul. But he is mother my father..I want to believe he can change. But he cant. And I have to comply with everything he says in order to save myself from getting hit. I don't want him to get into any trouble or pay for what he's done he will learn that on his own when he realizes how his children aband on him In the future. I just want to be away from him and be able to live my life. I have fought hard for years. And I deserve to be happy. To be heard. All I want is to become emancipated so that I am able to live on my own. My mother is very undependable so I cannot live with her. Unfortunately neither of my parents have ever been functional or helpful. I used to be a straight A Student. I had many opportunities. But my depression took the best of me. I just want my life back. I want to be happy again. I want to live the last 2 years of my teenage life like a happy adolescent. I want to be free.
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It sounds like you have been going through a lot for the last few years. I wish I could say that there is one easy way to fix all of this. Have you ever spoken to a counselor outside of a treatment center? Just for someone to talk to on a regular basis? It might be something that could be beneficial to your mental health. In terms of emancipation it may not be as easy as you would hope, unless this is something that your dad would agree with you upon. Even without being emancipated maybe you and your dad could agree for you to go live somewhere else for a bit. You mentioned that your sister was kicked out when she was 16 is living with her an option? Is there a friend's family or other relative that you would be able to live with for the next two years? If emancipation is something that you are really considering I would try contacting a lawyer, or family and child services for more information on how to go about this. If you want to talk more 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline is here 24/7 to listen at 888-222-2228 or you can text us daily 4-8PM at 908-280-0235. We will help you in anyway that we can! -
This has been going on for years honestly. And noOriginally posted by 2NDFLOOR View Post
There's nothing that will change his mind. We've already had years of therapy. And he has no interest in meeting a middle ground or listening to me. Believe me. And i dont want any contact with him. I want nothing to do with him. I would contact a counselor or someone but no one ever helps. And I have spoken to other family members but they either do not want anything to do with me or believe what my father says about me. I'm viewed as the violent child. I don't know where I can contact a lawyer. How could i? WouldnT I have to pay? And lastly, he's taken me to another country.. im currently in another country which is why I have no idea what I need to do. I just cannot comprehend how much this system has failed me. How even after years of bruises and hospital stays and broKen bones they let me go back into rhat home believing that it's my fault. And that he'd change. I was wondering if new jersey can take any legal action. It is illegal for me to miss as much school as I have. And I'm a u.s. citizen living in a other country against my will. Isn't there something they can do to bring me back? I've contacted you through fb if you want to personally talk to me.Comment
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I just spoke to my sister. I was wondering if maybe she can convince my father to let me stay with her. But I'd be staying at a friends in the meantime. I'd go back to school, get a job, and show that I have proof of income, a place to stay and education to get emancipated. But she doesn't think he'd agree to that. Do you think this is a good idea?Comment
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I honestly think you should do whatever you know is going to make you happy. It looks like you have a plan in mind which is great. If you want to talk more 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline is here 24/7 to listen at 888-222-2228 or you can text us daily 4-8PM at 908-280-0235.Comment
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