the funny part is I'm lying

[Unregistered]

Sorry to be writing this, I know there are many important things you have to get to, and my problems probably sound stupid. Also I apologize for typos, my eyes are watery right now. So um, we can start with the fact I've been seeing a psychiatrist or however you spell it, for about a year now. I've been changing medications since I started because nothing has ever actually had an effect on me. I finally quit this medication called abilify that was for my voices. I was put on a cheaper medication because it seemed to work better. Which is no way in heck true. About two months ago I found out Mom was forty thousand dollars in debt, and she's the only source of income in the house. Lately she's been pulling hours out of work so I can go to therapy which costs money. My mom was happy when she finally found a medication that "worked". It's almost impossible but I'm able to show her I'm fine when in reality I have to cry myself to sleep a lot listening to that stupid voice telling me to die, and the screamer. I've also been lying to the psychiatrist so she won't know. I want to tell them that my world is breaking down further, but the more I want to the more I know that will bring us down further into debt. Every time I work up the courage anyways, some stupid stunt with my psychiatrist and we get charged for some appointment that I end up not going to. So I pull out a full act around the clock so she can see I'm happy, the funny part is I'm lying. I just can't get us into unnecessary debt.

[2NDFLOOR]

I am sorry to hear what your struggling with, that can't be easy but you must speak up for yourself! Listen, you are not wasting money by seeing a psychiatrist because it sounds like you need that support, but you are wasting money by not being honest with the doctor. Most importantly, you are harming your only well being. Getting help is a process and the Dr. will have to assess you and help teach you ways of managing your depression. But you have to tell the truth about how you feel!!! All of the care does take a bit of time, but its worth it so that you can get healthy! Think of therapy like a friendship, it takes time to get to know someone and trust them, but if your not being honest about who you are and how you feel then it won't work. So be honest with the Dr. that's what he/she is there for and be honest with your mom!

Do you have an outlet that helps you get your mind in a better space? Activities you enjoy? Having an outlet is a good coping skill to help get your mind off of feeling sad, so try something, even talk to a friend or someone you trust. Just talking about your feelings can sometimes make you feel a little better.

Just remember you are not alone and don't have to face these feelings by yourself. Please reach out to your Psychiatrist and if you need any further assistance or resources you can always call 2NDFLOOR @ 888-222-2228. We are here 24/7. You can also text us daily from 4pm-8pm @ 908-280-0235 if you want to.

* I'm also including NJ Mental Health Cares as a resource @ 866-202-4357, they can connect you with services and information you need as well. I hope this has helped.