my life is so confusing

[Unregistered]

I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. Since this year I promised myself I would never date again, guys were so frustrating. I had a kind caring boyfriend in the beginning but since other girls like him, I was always pushed into dumping him. At first it was a huge mistake but then I felt free from compromise and him, I actually wanted to dump him because he began making me uncomfortable. HE used the word love, SInce I was little I knew LOVE was just a word, my parents were divorce, my aunt's husband left her with a child, and everything around showed me that LOVE isn't real. After I broke free it seem that every boy was interested in me for some reason. I tried to flatter myself, but after a while of thinking I knew there was nothing about me to like.
AFter a while the one friend I thought had my back turned me down, because she had a crush on my boyfriend. She never mentioned it once, and I was so annoyed I just couldn't take it in. It took me three year to let myself out (I'm very shy) and when I feel that I can trust her, she breaks my heart. I teem that were friends but I don't feel it. SInce last year one of my friends that I haven't seen in year came back to me, and we were in love( Girlfriend wise) and my best friends she began to grow friendships with her and I felt left out. In all my imagination I dreamt myself standing up for myself, standing up to my "friend" and standing up to the boys that had an "interest" in me. But even with all the words I played in my head I never did it. I don't know how to survive. I lack in social skills, and I'm very talented and tomboyish. Many girls hate me, I hang out with one of them she acts t be my friends but whenever I get the courage to say something funny she just mocks me.
I don't know if I should have friends anymore. It's just so confusing. I don't know when guys have any interest in me, all of them are just staring. THe crush I had last year was also getting touchy and it was so confused to why he showed such emotion. All the other guys are also being kind. I've also taken interest on my body, I've caed before but ever since I had this new crush Its been a big deal.I don't know what wrong with me. I'm sorry I wrote a lot I felt like getting my feeling down.

[2NDFLOOR]

No need to apologize we want you to write as much as you would like about how you are feeling. I can understand why you are feeling confused. Sometimes we have friends that aren't as supportive as we are to them. It's up to you to decide if these are people you want in your life. At any age we will meet people who we think are our friends but may not be, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have friends at all. There are a lot of great people out there that can be a great friend to you. Surround yourself with people that care about you boys or girls, but just friends that have your best interest in mind. As far as the boy situation, guys sometimes show interest in different ways so you're right it can be hard to tell who likes who. Seeing relationships in the past that haven't worked out may make you nervous to start a relationship as well. Whether a relationship lasts or ends they can help us to learn more about ourselves. If you like someone try putting yourself out there, let them know how you feel. If you think they are moving too fast "touchy feely" and you're not ready just tell them, it's okay! I'm glad you reached out and we will continue to help you in any way that we can. If you want to talk more call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline 24/7 at 888-222-2228 or text us any day 4-8PM at 908-280-0235.