i just can't stand it .

[speakyourmind]

i had depression for about a year or more, and it was kind of severe at the time. over the summer wouldn't talk to anyone , not evens with those who i lived with. and i stayed in my room every single day , always sleeping. self harm was evident in this depression , and i planned to have no one know about it . and that worked , up until the beginning of December, i was wearing shorts to bed and my mom found the scars all of my thighs. i tried telling her they were just scratch marks , but clearly she didn't believe me . so afterwards me her and my dad had to sit in my room for about an hour to talk about about what was going on . it was the worst hour of my life. my mom wouldn't stop crying , and i hate seeing her cry , so obviously i cried along with her. i all said was that i felt lonely , even though there was much more to it then just that. and then of course they didn't understand . so my dad offered me too talk to the therapist that he talks to , he said i only have to go one time , then if i don't like it , i can stop going . so i said yeah to get them to go away .

well, i had to go to that therapist for about 4 months , and as of last week , it was my last day . but the thing was , i never actually opened up to her , i couldn't with my parents sitting in the room with me ! it was supposed to be just me taking to her , but she wanted them there . so yeah, i still feel like shit.

now , as of today , even though i didn't fully opened up to anyone , i feel vulnerable and like i cant have anything to myself from my parents . i feel like i have no privacy , i just want that back . im not trying to push anyone away , but with this anxiety , depression , and stress , its the only thing i know ho w to do . when i self harmed months ago , it was the only way to feel something . i sound crazy but im not . i just cant stand it . any advice ?

[2NDFLOOR]

It sounds like you have been going through a lot this past year. I'm sorry that you were feeling that way and didn't feel like you could talk to anyone about it. When entering counseling you should feel like you can trust that person and feel comfortable talking to them. I can understand with your parents in the room why that would be difficult. I would try talking to your parents about it. Mention to them that you were looking for a session that you could go to by yourself, maybe even a different counselor than your dad. You can mention that sometimes you need that privacy. You can even say that you understand why they are concerned but as mental health professionals your therapist will contact them if they fear you are at risk to yourself. Everything else you talk about should be confidential. You can also call us, 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline, to talk more about this we are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228 or text us every Friday 4-8PM at 908-280-0235 we want to help!!