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Ive been depressed for 7 years and I'm 12 almost 13. I don't know what to help myself get better. I have had 2 counselors try and help me but it doesn't work. I have had 2 people already come to my house and have a little discussion with me but i shut down and wouldn't talk to them or my mom. Im constantly asked by multiple people if I'm upset or mad but i always say no. I also don't eat because of my depression or well i rarely eat. I also have had a talk with my guidance counselor at school but it doesn't help and my grades are slipping like crazy. I used to be a straight A student but now i Have C's and D's and F's. I also have no friends but my best friend of 5 years that now seems to be drifting away. I don't know what to do. I have had suicide thoughts a lot but i have attempted twice about 2 years ago and my mom recently just found out and wants to know how i tried but i don't know how to tell her. Im usually not like this. I used to be so bubbly and have a smile on my face or at least laugh about 100 times a day but now its rare to see my smile or even hear my say I'm happy. Everything makes me depressed. Even doing things i used to do for fun. My cheer team is also worried but doesn't say anything to me. The authorities have also contacted my mom recently and are seeing if i self harm because of the kids in school spreading rumors about me self harming when i don't. My father died in 2012 and his death date is coming up soon on March 29th. Im not really worried about it because ill be in Myrtle Beach and away from where i live but i have a feeling that my depression is because of that but i also don't think it is. I NEED SERIOUS HELP. but I'm not going to a hospital thats not happening. My mom tried but i stood in the middle of the street telling her to try and bring me. a lli know is that i need some sort of help because I'm slowly dying on the inside.
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I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way and that you have been for a while. If you are currently having thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself please contact 911 or The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ 1-800-273-8255 for immediate help.
There are a lot of things you are saying so lets start with that you shut down when someone tries to help you and that is not going to get you anywhere. I understand it can be awkward talking to a stranger about how you feel, but they are there to do just that, help you! Think of therapy like a friendship, it only works if the two of you are on the same page. It takes time to trust, but you have to open up in order to resolve some of your struggles you are having. I am sincerely sorry to hear about the loss of your father and no matter where you are it is going to be tough for you, but that is normal so don't be afraid to feel your feelings of loss.
Listen, you are not alone and there is help for you....just don't shut people out the minute they try to! 2NDFLOOR is here to help you in any way that we can as well, so please give us a call at 888-222-2228 or text us Fridays 4-8pm at 908-280-0235.
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