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The pain

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  • The pain

    Ever since I was a little girl I was made fun of by kids in school and my family. They always made fun of me because I can't say my r's correctly and because I'm skinny. I was called all these mean names because I'm so skinny, and when I cry they just laugh at me. When I was in elementary school my oldest sister would beat me all the time, my younger sister and I both were beat by her. But no matter how much she beat me I still loved her and when she left to the army I cried for days. I told her not to go because I didn't want her to die, I was about 9. When she came back I was in the sixth grade and we had a long talk; she said sorry for all the pain she put me through. Even though I excepted it, the emotional pain is still there. She's living with my mom, my younger sister, and I again and sometimes I get scared that one day she will get mad at me and hurt me. Then again she's my sister and hates to see me in pain so I'm very confused about her.

    Then in eighth grade my cousin was living with me and would beat me for no reason. One day my best friend was over and saw what he did to me, then began to question all the times I went to school with bruises and cratches. I had to tell her the truth because she saw it herself why I really came to school that way. Then she told my mom because she didn't know about it and my mom put a stop to it so fast. He's my favorite cousin on my mom's side because he sits there and listens to me and helps me through a lot. So I forgave him fast, but I still get upset when I think of all those times.

    Another thing that really bothers me is that my family talks bad about me all the time (my mom's side of the family). There is a bet going in my family that I'm going to be pregnant before I leave high school. It hurts so much that they think of me in that way. I honestly believe that they have something against me and my 3 sisters. That bothers me a lot.

    Then in January I was molested by a family friend and now I'm going through all the legal stuff for it. I told my guidance councilor about it in February and she told the police so it's being taken care of, but I'm still scared because he lives in my neighborhood. That night that he did this to me changed me. I have nightmares about it as well as my best friend, she has had a few nightmares about it too. When I'm home sometimes it's hard to even fall asleep. I still cry because of it because I can't forget about it. When the police told my mom she was upset with me because I wasn't the one who told her. Before I knew it almost my whole family knew and I was getting phone calls left and right from my family. They yelled at me because I never told them. It's just really hard for me to take it all.

    When I get upset I think of everything that hurts me and I don't know why. Since I can remember people have left me all the time. My oldest sister went into the army when I was in elementary school, then my cousin was killed when I was in the fourth grade and that hit me hard because she was the only person who didn't make fun of me. Next my dad left me that summer and my other older sister left to the army in October 2010. This one still hurt today, she was the one person I could talk to in my house, she was my best friend. Now it has been a year since I saw her and it kills me inside.

    I miss having my whole family. I miss how it used to be. Now my mom and dad are getting a divorce because my dad cheated on my mom and had 2 kids with that women. My mom and I also fight all the time and I just keep my feelings inside because my mom and younger sister just don't understand. My friends help me as much as they can, but I still feel the pain everyday. I get judged by my family all the time, I just feel so unloved and lost sometimes. People say I'm depressed and I'm starting to believe them.

  • #2
    That is a lot of stuff for anyone person to go through, and what a fighter you are to successfully continue to move forward with your life. There are lots of painful moments, but there also seem to be some good things. It's true that no one should ever put their hands on you without you permission, be it hitting or sexually touching, you were absolutely right to report those events to an adult and they were smart enough to put an end to it. There are some things in your stoy that you have no control over, and it seems like the things you do have control over, you are taking steps to correct them. At some point in your life the troubles with normalize and you'll begin to feel more stable than you do now. It will probably never be the same as it was, but it will be a new form of normal that you could adjust to and continue to grow and progress in your life. Call us anytime at 888-222-2228.


    • #3

      For a while I've been what most people say very depressed, but this site has helped me a lot. I'm working on getting help, but in the mean time I've been talking to my closest friends more more. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me even though you have no idea who I am. I'm very grateful


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