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My best friend is Transgender (Female to Male). I've been friends with him ever since we were in Preschool, and we are very close. He always gravitated towards masculine things, so it was no surprise when he wanted to start embracing life as male last year. All of his friends and I are super accepting but his parents certainly are not and are convinced he's so confused and wrong. (apparently they also don't know that his friends treat him as a male) It's a super hard situation for their family, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to help. Tonight, I was out to dinner with he and his parents (I've always felt welcome with them,) and on the way home, I accidentally used the preposition "him" instead of "her" as I was saying goodbye. It was a total slip of the tongue!!! Their response was shocked ("HIM???") and I felt so awkward and horrible that all I could do was stammer and run into my house. I apologized to him multiple times and he told me not to worry and that I was still his best friend, but I know for a fact that they definitely weren't thrilled with the whole thing. I'm so embarrassed and feel so bad that I'm not sure if I'll be able to go to his house and see his parents again!!
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Your friend is lucky to have a group of friends who support him and use the pronouns he wishes to identify himself with. By choosing to utilize the pronouns your friend prefers you have provided a great source of positive reinforcement of his identity, something he does not seem to have at home. You should not feel bad about using these male pronouns. While your pronoun usage may not have been something that your friend’s parents were aware of, it may ultimately force them to examine their own negative reactions to their child’s identity. You cannot change your friends’ family. But what you can do is continue to be a place your friend can go to for support and to talk about the struggles he is having with his family.
I have listed some resources that you and your friend may find helpful. You are also welcome to call 2ndFloor any time, 24/7, to discuss these concerns in more detail.
www.thetrevorproject.org/
http://www.transyouthsupportnetwork.org/resources.html
http://community.pflag.org/transgender
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