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I'm stuck in my own headspace, trying to get over a friend that wasn't really my friend. The thing is, we've known each other almost all our lives, since I was 5 and she was 7. There are days I just want to go back and try to win her over again, but I know that isn't healthy, but I can't help but blame myself. I was an awful friend to her when we were little kids, and I almost feel responsible for shaping her into what she became, but I can't do that. She's responsible for two suicidal attempts and plans, and one time when I was suicidal, she flat out just said she hated me and shoved me away to go bother someone else. We've broken our friendship beyond repair and I just want to move on. But, I don't know how to. I don't know how to move on. I've tried distracting myself and my thoughts always linger back. I've tried confronting all the feelings and sorting through why I'm upset, I just ended up locking myself in my room to cry and kept obsessing over it. It's like all I can think about is every single way the two of us screwed up our friendship. I just want to move on.
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I'm glad you're reaching out for support, it sounds as though this friendship meant a lot to you and I could only imagine how you feel right now. Moving forward from a friendship especially one that started earlier on in ones life can feel hard to do, in regards to wanting to move on it's all about reminding yourself that this is a process.In moving forward, our progress isn't always linear. There can be times we feel ok and able to move forward and others where it seems much harder but it's a matter of reminding yourself on both days that it is a process and that you are trying. Being kind to yourself throughout also helps to not obsess over the situation or essentially be hard on yourself which can make the process of moving forward that much more difficult. Remember to take deep breaths, be kind to yourself during the process and keep those who are supportive of you near. You mentioned once having a suicide attempt, I could only imagine how difficult this time was for you, remember that there are also professionals like therapists that can help you process your feelings and emotions, if you ever feel suicidal remember to call an emergency service or us here at 2ndfloor, we are here 24/7 through text and phone-line whenever you need support.
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