I'm sick of playing games

[Unregistered]

okay, so about two years ago I made a friend who I thought would stick around with me forever. It's stupid but I thought we would grow up and still be talking about TV shows and cute guys together. When I first met her she seemed like a perfect friend. She could make me smile and laugh, we saw each other all the time, and we always agreed on everything. But I realized that our friendship wasn't the best, or really even that great. Last year is when everything started to go down hill. So at the beginning of last year I developed severe anxiety and my depression went down into an all time low, and it became really difficult for me to smile and have fun. When I first opened up to my friend she said she understood and said she also had emotional problems. Well along the road our friendship went downhill, at least on my end anyways. Instead of helping me and supporting me, she would often crack joke about who I was such as my mental illnesses. She also had a tendency to brush over my problems and skip to how her day was, and toy with my emotions. Of course whenever she was in a bad emotional state of any sort, such as a bad class, we had to go through an entire conversation of how to fix it and me giving her all the motivation in the world. Her favorite thing to do in any of her bad moods though was to pull at my strings and mess with my emotions, such as lying about how great her life is and complaining about it to get on my nerves, or saying she's in love with me (I'm bisexual). It got to a point where I can have a perfectly fine day and smile but if I see a message from her I'm immediately put into a bad mood. I've confronted her several times before, but she always antagonizes me, and tells me I'm the bad friend until I apologize. I've considered not being friends with her anymore, but it never seems to work for me. She always gets so upset whenever I do this, and it gives me this awful guilt. She's always saying we'll be friends forever, and we promised each other, or how she wouldn't know what to do without me. No matter what happens I always feel like a bad friend and I repromise to be her friend forever. But honestly I don't want to be. I'm completely sick and tired of her using me like a doormat, but I can't get her to stop, and I can't stop being her friend. I apologize for making this so long, and for wasting so much of your time with this. I just don't know what to do.

[2NDFLOOR]

It sounds like you have gone through a lot with this friend. When you are not getting support or someone is making you feel bad about yourself (or illness) then it might be time to take a step back. From your message this friend seems to bring a lot of negativity to your life. You cannot continuously blame yourself how she reacts. You can only control your own behavior. If you have tried explaining how you feel and she has not listened to you then you might have put some space between you. This may mean not taking her calls and disconnecting from social media. I understand you promised to be friends forever but people change and perhaps you have outgrown this relationship. It may mean that it is time for you to make new friends who are not going to put you down but understand and support you. Nobody deserves to be around people that put them down or manipulates them to get what they want. Surround yourself with people that care about you and know the real you. If you want to talk with a live counselor give 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline a call at 888-222-2228 or text us anyday from 4pm to 8pm. Thanks for reaching out and know that you are not alone!