I don't know how much more I can take

[Unregistered]

okay, so a few years ago I joined a private school and at the time I had no friends. This girl (we'll name her Katrina) came over to me at the library one day, while I was tucked away in the corner and agreed to be my friend. We were really close throughout the year, and Katrina introduced me to some other people that I became friends with (We'll call them Rose and Jenna). We hung out a lot after school and we exchanged numbers. So one day I'm texting Katrina and we're joking around and out of nowhere she tells me she has a crush on me (we're both lesbian). At the time I liked her back, but I was with another girl (I still am, we'll call her Lily). We had a short conversation about the situation, and if we should continue to be friends, and we did agree to still be friends. Eventually Katrina started dating Jenna. Anyways, time passed and at one point it was like nothing happened, which allowed me to move on. One day Katrina, Jenna, Rose, and I were all hanging out and joking around/annoying each other and Katrina points to me and screams out "She had a crush on me". Of course I was completely embarrassed and slightly angry. Lily wasn't there but Jenna was. I automatically stated that Katrina had a crush on me too, but Katrina made it sound like she barely liked me while I had the world's hugest crush on her, even though in the earlier conversation she said she had a huge crush on me. I was really annoyed but moved on with the conversation. Fast forward a little bit and Katrina and I are texting again. we ended up playing this odd confessing game and she reveals she still likes me. Now I'm starting to get angry and upset with her, and i actually tell her, and instead of apologizing she acts like I'm the one who has done something wrong, and I actually start to buy into it and feel a little guilty, but I'm able to get her to apologize. A few more months pass by and then Jenna breaks up with Katrina, and my relationship with Lily is shaking. Well Katrina comes to me, and after I comfort her, Katrina again says she likes me. And I understand she had just gone through a break up, and I wouldn't be angry at her, since she's looking for love again, except she knows my relationship with Lily is going downhill, and I'm starting to break from it, and since my heart probably was in the exact same state as hers, there's something inside me that slightly returned these feelings. I ended up just changing the topic so I didn't have to deal with it. a week or so later we ended up getting in a huge fight and I refused to talk to Katrina for a little while. Eventually, after 2 weeks of silence, she apologized and I agreed to be her friend again, but at that point I was cracking. Finally about two weeks ago, Rose, Katrina, and I were hanging out, and once again she starts bringing up my love life. She starts to joke about how I had a crush on her, about my shaky relationship with Lily, and about every crush I've ever told her about. I wanted to scream at Katrina, but Rose was laughing along, and it was her birthday. So I let it go until I got home. I gave her the silent treatment for a little while, but eventually I started texting her again. Rose recently wanted to get the three of us to hang out again, and she wants me to text Katrina to ask her to hang out. Rose still thinks everything is fine between us, and I'm pretty sure Katrina thinks we're cool too, but I don't know how much more of this I can take, and at the moment I can't stand being around Katrina. I only text her because when I ignore her or try to get her to apologize for something, she pretends to be the victim, and when I try to confront her or tell her we can't be friends, she brings me into some sob story as to why she needs me as a friend now. She is constantly playing with my heart, even now, while my relationship with Lily is on its last legs, which she knows, and it's slowly breaking me. I don't know how much more of this I can take, as suicide has now crossed my mind several times, and I don't want to fall down there again, as my parents just pulled me out of a suicidal phase. I'm sorry about this being super long, and I'm sorry if this would have fit better in dating. Just please help.

[2NDFLOOR]

First off you don't need to apologize for how long or short a post is. This is for you! Tell us as much or as little as you want to. Also it doesn't matter where you post we will always answer to the best of our abilities. If you are having thoughts of suicide please talk to someone about this, tell your parents, talk to a counselor, AND if you believe you are going to harm yourself contact 911 immediately or the suicide prevention lifeline 1-800-273-8255. It sounds like your friend Katrina takes a lot out on you and it's not fair that she continues to play with your emotions/heart. Would you feel comfortable talking to Rose about the situation? She may have a good suggestion or at least this way she knows that things between you and Katrina aren't going well right now. You can also try talking to Katrina about how you are feeling. You could tell her that you guys go through this every once in a while and it's not fair to you. Explain what type of friend you need, because you shouldn't have to feel this way in your friendships. You may have to take some time away from her if she continues to treat you this way. If you want to talk more don't hesitate to contact 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline 24/7 or text us daily 4-8PM at 888-222-2228. You can also reply more to this message post if we missed something or you want to explain something more. Good luck!