Tweet
hi!
im a 15 year old girl.
ive been having a lot of heart wrenching problems lately that i have been keeping to myself. its a very long story and i havent told anyone besides my best friend. her advice hasnt been helpful bc she doesnt know the people im dealing with. i want to get advice from someone who understands these types of problems.
okay so i guess ill start from the beginning. in the summer of 8th grade i dated a boy. he introduced me to this group of friends. they werent cool or popular or even good looking. they were funny and kind and some of the best people i have ever known.
even after this boy and i broke up, the group and i were inseparable. we had late night skype calls daily, hung out at the mall and were basically a family. these were the days that changed who i was as a person for the better. i learned how to have fun and enjoy life!
i ended up dating another boy from this group for 4 months. it was great at first. but then he started to do crazy, overprotective things. so i was forced to break up with him for my own sanity. a few months after this he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. i wish i had known then.
but thats not the reason im typing this.
the group started to change. they became almost mean to each other. people started to leave. this was towards the end of freshman year.
i wanted the bond we had back SO badly and we almost did! i was away on vacation that summer while they began to apologize and make up with each other.
and then things got even weirder. they started smoking weed. personally, im all for the legalization of it. i dont find it to be wrong. i understand the consequences and the fact that it is illegal (my dad is a cop lol).
anyway, when i got home from vacation they were all in a frenzy for this stuff. in my head i was like, okay, this is kinda weird i guess. i felt almost left out that i had missed out on the experience bc this specific drug was something i was intrested in. (pls note I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES MARIJUANA.)
well, one day after work i went to my friend's house with another kid from the group. they taught me how to smoke and i got high for the first time. i wasnt told this until a few weeks ago, but that weed was laced with cocaine. i feel disgusting even talking about that. but what else happened that night changed everything. i hooked up with this kid from the group. it was the most amazing experience bc of the drugs. i wanted more of him. i became infactuated. i even sent him stupid nudes when he asked because i wanted him to like me. that was so dumb of me. i began to crave the attention of having a boy in my life and i almost became desperate.
here is part two of this.
towards the end of the summer i could feel the group starting to sizzle out. noone spoke anymore and it was weird. the night before our end of summer party, my girl friend confided in me and the other girls that she liked a kid from our group. he was really really attractive and very much like me. we knew all he wanted was friends with benefits. he had voiced that to us. she was willing to do this though.
so when we came home from the party i texted him trying to see if he liked her. but the whole time he thought i was talking about me!!! he wanted to hook up with me. i was in shock and i agreed. long story short we ended up hooking up and it was great and i really liked him. it was nice to fill that gaping hole in my heart. later that night we texted and he said that it was amazing and he thought i was awesome. but then afterwards it was complete silence for weeks.
meanwhile, our group of friends was dying. we barely talked anymore. it made me really sad but i was still SO HAPPY because this unbelieveable boy was mine.. or so i thought. he told me we couldnt do it anymore because he didnt want to hurt my ex boyfriend EVEN THOUGH i had to hurt my girl friend who liked him for this.
im not even attractive compared to her. i dont understand why he choose me. thats what made me so happy i think. well i became v sad and depressed. it came to the point where i just left the group. it has been a few months now. the boys have stuck together and they hang out. i see them on social media a lot and it hurts so badly. i dont do drugs anymore. sometimes i want to because i am so sad but then i remember what it made me do. theres a part of me that blames the drugs. if i hadnt been high and kissed that boy that night then i wouldnt have been so desperate for human attraction and screwed up all my relationships with my friends. i feel so alone and empty without them. i miss all of our fun times. i have nightmares every night. it sucks. sorry this was such a long thing. it just feels nice to put it into words and actually see this mess for what it is.
dont get me wrong, i do have other friends. im in a gifted and talented program at school and i love those kids dearly. but they dont compare to what i had with this group. i miss them so much and i dont know what to do.
please help me.
im a 15 year old girl.
ive been having a lot of heart wrenching problems lately that i have been keeping to myself. its a very long story and i havent told anyone besides my best friend. her advice hasnt been helpful bc she doesnt know the people im dealing with. i want to get advice from someone who understands these types of problems.
okay so i guess ill start from the beginning. in the summer of 8th grade i dated a boy. he introduced me to this group of friends. they werent cool or popular or even good looking. they were funny and kind and some of the best people i have ever known.
even after this boy and i broke up, the group and i were inseparable. we had late night skype calls daily, hung out at the mall and were basically a family. these were the days that changed who i was as a person for the better. i learned how to have fun and enjoy life!
i ended up dating another boy from this group for 4 months. it was great at first. but then he started to do crazy, overprotective things. so i was forced to break up with him for my own sanity. a few months after this he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. i wish i had known then.
but thats not the reason im typing this.
the group started to change. they became almost mean to each other. people started to leave. this was towards the end of freshman year.
i wanted the bond we had back SO badly and we almost did! i was away on vacation that summer while they began to apologize and make up with each other.
and then things got even weirder. they started smoking weed. personally, im all for the legalization of it. i dont find it to be wrong. i understand the consequences and the fact that it is illegal (my dad is a cop lol).
anyway, when i got home from vacation they were all in a frenzy for this stuff. in my head i was like, okay, this is kinda weird i guess. i felt almost left out that i had missed out on the experience bc this specific drug was something i was intrested in. (pls note I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES MARIJUANA.)
well, one day after work i went to my friend's house with another kid from the group. they taught me how to smoke and i got high for the first time. i wasnt told this until a few weeks ago, but that weed was laced with cocaine. i feel disgusting even talking about that. but what else happened that night changed everything. i hooked up with this kid from the group. it was the most amazing experience bc of the drugs. i wanted more of him. i became infactuated. i even sent him stupid nudes when he asked because i wanted him to like me. that was so dumb of me. i began to crave the attention of having a boy in my life and i almost became desperate.
here is part two of this.
towards the end of the summer i could feel the group starting to sizzle out. noone spoke anymore and it was weird. the night before our end of summer party, my girl friend confided in me and the other girls that she liked a kid from our group. he was really really attractive and very much like me. we knew all he wanted was friends with benefits. he had voiced that to us. she was willing to do this though.
so when we came home from the party i texted him trying to see if he liked her. but the whole time he thought i was talking about me!!! he wanted to hook up with me. i was in shock and i agreed. long story short we ended up hooking up and it was great and i really liked him. it was nice to fill that gaping hole in my heart. later that night we texted and he said that it was amazing and he thought i was awesome. but then afterwards it was complete silence for weeks.
meanwhile, our group of friends was dying. we barely talked anymore. it made me really sad but i was still SO HAPPY because this unbelieveable boy was mine.. or so i thought. he told me we couldnt do it anymore because he didnt want to hurt my ex boyfriend EVEN THOUGH i had to hurt my girl friend who liked him for this.
im not even attractive compared to her. i dont understand why he choose me. thats what made me so happy i think. well i became v sad and depressed. it came to the point where i just left the group. it has been a few months now. the boys have stuck together and they hang out. i see them on social media a lot and it hurts so badly. i dont do drugs anymore. sometimes i want to because i am so sad but then i remember what it made me do. theres a part of me that blames the drugs. if i hadnt been high and kissed that boy that night then i wouldnt have been so desperate for human attraction and screwed up all my relationships with my friends. i feel so alone and empty without them. i miss all of our fun times. i have nightmares every night. it sucks. sorry this was such a long thing. it just feels nice to put it into words and actually see this mess for what it is.
dont get me wrong, i do have other friends. im in a gifted and talented program at school and i love those kids dearly. but they dont compare to what i had with this group. i miss them so much and i dont know what to do.
please help me.
Comment