My heart is hurting...

[Unregistered]

Okay so this year I was dating this guy and we broke up cause we were basically just friends and there was no point in continuing this relationship and i started liking this other guy. The day before i broke up with my boyfriend he started dating this girl a grade below us and she was one of my best friends. since i hung out with the girl L** alot me and her boy friend J** started hanging out. we got really close and i started to think that L** was getting mad cause she wouldnt talk to me as much. J** and i got supperrrr close and He told me he wanted to brake up with L** cause she was always with other guys and doesnt like kissing or holding hands or whatever and other things that arent important. Me and J** texted every night for hours and everyone wanted us to date thinking we would be perfect. He told me he liked me and i told him i liked him alot to and he said he liked me for a while. I trusted him so much and told him everything i could tell him whatever was on my mind and he would listen. He was such a great friend and I started falling in love with him. By this point L** and I really werent friends cause she replaced me which didnt bother me that much since it wasnt the first time. On halloween J**, another boy, and I went trick or treating together. J** said he was gonna breakup with L** and he always told me he liked me more and that i was his best friend.That night we were texting till 5am and he said "i loveyou" and I said it back. I am so in love with him then The day after they broke up and L** blamed me for the breakup when he even said I wasnt the reason they brokeup. L** got super pissed and started spreading rumors bout me. Her mom and my mom got into a big arguement then L**and J** got back together the next day and J** wouldnt talk to me. Apparently L** said all these lies and wouldnt let J** talk to me. Also my mom got mad at J** cause he just is now completely ignoring me when i was always there for him. Always an amazing friend and I cared about him so muchh. I miss him so sososososo much and everynight i get reminded of him and cry. I really just want my friend back but he wont say a single word to me and acts like he hates my guts. Everything we went through....everything he said and told me....he just dropped. How can you just drop everything like that and completely ignore him. I dont no how he feels, if hes hurt or hates me and idk what L** told him and what the real reason he wont talk to me. I really want my friend back and idk what to do. Ive tried texting him but he just ignores me. He means so much to me and i care bout him so much. Please help me get him back. A couple people told me that J** wants to break up with her and idk if he will talk to me then or continue to ignore me. I love him and i cant take it any longer i miss him so much.

[2NDFLOOR]

Relationships, whether they are close friendships or romantic relationships, can very easily take a toll on your heart. Since you are creating bonds with other people by sharing intimate details about yourselves, it can make any breakup or distance from that person seem really difficult, because you are weakening the bond you have created. It sounds like you created a very strong bond with J, and because that bond was so strong, it is very understandable that you would feel a strong hurt if the bond was weakened. Unfortunately, we can't always control other people's actions though. While you may have created a strong bond with J, you must remember that J also had a relationship with L. Just because he chose to stay with L, that does not mean that you did anything wrong. I think you were very brave to text J and let him know your feelings, or to try to initiate contact again. But unfortunately, we cant force people to be in our lives. If J really does care about you, in time he may come back to you and try to fix his bond/relationship with you. Sometimes having space away from a person, may help the other person realize what they are missing.

Until then the best thing you can do is focus on you. While that may seem impossible, remember that you existed as a whole person before you met J, and you will continue to exist with our without J or any other romantic or other form of relationships. It may seem like you will never stop hurting, but time does tend to heal wounds. So for now, try to focus on things that will make you happy such as hanging out with friends or enjoying your favorite hobbies. It may help to also write out your feelings in a journal or talk to someone else you trust like your mom or another friend. Of course you can always feel free to call 2NDFLOOR anytime to talk as well at 1-888-222-2228!