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im scared

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  • im scared

    my mom is really strict and she constantly says things such as "youre a worthless b*tch" "loose weight" "be more like your sister " (which my sibling is non-binary and goes by they/them they're just not out to my mother yet as shes homophobic and trans phobic), "you should stop eating" etc, and when i argue back on these topics and remarks she hits me, when i was 7 she punched me so hard my nose started bleeding, and even know almost 8 years later i still have a small bump from it. a few months ago i didnt do my chores because i was busy with school work, and she got mad and hit me with a pan and then pulled out my hair, after that she smashed a glass on the floor and yelled at me to pick it up. my online friends are the only people i feel safe talking to so when my mom tries to take my phone i always argue a little because theyre the only people i talk to, she gets mad and ends up hitting me again, she even left permant scars on my leg. yesterday i didnt clean my room because lately i havent had any motivation to do anything, and she got mad and tried to take my phone again, when i refused to give it to her she hit me again. yesterday she was talking about how she wished i was a boy, and whenever she tells my birth story she talks about how i was a mistake and how the condom broke, and how she didnt want another child. when i was 5 my sibling touched me in a sexual manor on atleast one occasion. and i never knew it was wrong until i opened up to one of my online friends about it. i cant say anything about it now as it was years ago. but i dont feel safe. and as a little kid my mom would always tell me that my dad was a bad person and i believed her, so i would always push him away, so now im scared to message him and ask to stay with him. i started self harming to help and my sibling saw the marks one time and holds it against me to my mother, my sibling made a joke about it once and my mother said if ahe ever caught me shed send me to a mental hospital. she blames everything on my online friends when shes the one doing all the damage, she always says im not doing good enough, even in school when i had straight a's this past year she said i wasnt doing my best, while my sibling had a c average and under in all jer clasess, i genuinely dont feel safe at all. and i dont have any close friends near me i can ask for help. i really want to go with my grandmother (we're not related by blood but shes tooken care of me while my mom worked when i was little) but my mom always finds excuses as to not let me even visit her. on top of all that my mother constantly says how she thinks ill become a whore and end up a teen mom. she doesnt even know what my personality is like anymore. and she always says how she has only one daughter (referring to my sibling) and gives my sibling an allowance and not me just because theyre more helpful. my mother constantly calls me mental and how i over react to everything. and i dont know what to do anymore.

  • #2
    It sounds like you have reason to be scared. What you are describing is child abuse in verbal, physical and mental forms. This is really not something that you should be having to deal with or have dealt with growing up. We can help. Give us a call at 888-222-2228 and describe the situation above exactly as you have to the counselor you are speaking to and they will be able to get you help to start the process of getting the abuse to stop. You also have the ability to call DCP&P on your own and report the abuse to someone there and they can send someone out to your home to do an evaluation and again start the process of getting the abuse to stop. That hotline number is (877) NJ-ABUSE. What you are describing is not your fault and it is not something that you should be having to experience. Give us or DCP&P a call to start the process of getting help.


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