I hate my family

[Guest]

I hate my family. And through them they make me hate myself. I cry everyday and always have to ask myself why I am in this world, why I am alive. No one understands me and no one listens to me. I have learnt to build a wall to hide my emotions and my feelings but for how long can I ? I hate living like this, I hate suffering like this. Sometimes I feel like if I were to leave this world no one will notice and no one will bother. My whole family makes me depressed. They make me hate going through each day. I am constantly being criticized for being too social or too rude or too depressed. It's always "you re being rude" or "why are you not speaking today", evverything that I do I'm constantly being criticized for it. I can never have a day to myself whereby I get to introspect my life and myself. I have to pretend to laugh and pretend to be happy just to get through every single day. My dadis an alcoholic although he never wants to say he is. He has constantly cheated on my mother multiple times our family wouldn't be that much surprised if a woman comes to our house claiming she's caring my fathers child. My mother and I have grown further apart from each other. She doesn't understand me and she doesn't try to. I need help. I need help in making myself love myself a little more. I need help with my broken family. I don't consider my dad to be a father to me. That role he tarnished it the moment I realized how toxic he was in my life. My mom says I'm ugly although she does use hidden ways of saying it. "That won't look nice on you because your face is like a wooden plank". How am I supposd to feel if my own mother says stuff like that. My parents believe that they are always right, no child is allowed to be right. My dad can spend up to 6days without showing up at home and coming back drunk. My mother doesn't play that role very well and my siblings are not that much of help. My dad is abusive to both my mother and I . I remember last year I had to go to school with a bleeding leg and bruises covering my whole body. I couldn't walk and yet he never apologized, I never expected him to because it wasn't the first time. I couldn't bath properly for about 3 days and the bruise on my leg had to get bandaged daily for the next 3weeks of which the scars of his abusive have remained a symbol of how he has mistreated me and how he has left his mark on my body. I hate it. I hate him. Constantly bringing prostiyutes jnto the house and being drunk and abusive. It's not the family I want to be a part of, a family I would like to belong to and one that I know no one wants to. My parents have never asked if anything is wrong and to be honest if gent did I would be surprised and I wouldn't be willing to explain because they would blame my depression on me and how I don't r

[2NDFLOOR]

Glad you reached out to us, sorry you are going through all of this. This all sounds overwhelming, have you ever considered speaking with the school counselor about what is going on? Perhaps making an appointment to speak with them about what is happening with your parents could help. The counselor could also help with other services you might need and reach out for you, for example calling Department of Child Protection and Permanency 877- 652-2873 to report abuse or neglect, and even get outside counseling resources for you. Is there anyone else in your life that you trust to share what is going on and if so, would you be comfortable asking them for help? Trusted adult? Aunt? Uncle? I know this can't be easy but hang in there and if you would like to talk about this further or anything else reach out to 2NDFLOOR by texting or calling to 888-222-2228.