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Hi. So my mom was sober for a while but she recently started drinking again. It wasn't a quick and unconscious decision, because she actually thought about it and considered the negative sides to drinking again. (She hadn't been drinking for 20+ years). Well I was mad because I love her and I was afraid for her and I felt like she wasn't the same person. That was like 4 months ago and now I found out that she is smoking pot. It's not all the time, only at parties. My brother smokes it too. I don't drink or smoke because I hate it so much. I don't know how to cope with this because I yelled at her and said 'your not my mother' and she said 'fine. I'm not your mother.' She didn't even care that I was so hurt. Instead, she called me 'dramatic' and 'Physco' and said that I'm 'enough to drive someone to drink.' And I feel sad because she isn't who she used to be, 5 months ago. She even acts different when she is sober, now. What do I do? I have been in my room all night crying. I feel like everyone hates me.
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I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. Thank you for being brave enough
to reach for help. Believe me, you are not alone, Everyone does not hate you, nor does your
mother. When someone is abusing alcohol/drugs, it alters the way they may think or behave.
Unfortunately, no matter how much we want to 'fix' our loved ones who struggle with drug/alcohol
abuse, it is just not possible. That is something they must do on their own. You state that your
Mom was clean for 20+ years in the past, there is always hope that she will do it again, when she
is ready. I am pretty certain that your Mom still loves you, but when she is under the influence of
chemical substances, it may not be the optimum time for her to express it.
That being said, it can be devastating for you to watch her change right before your eyes, and
not in a good way. Yet we cannot change their behaviors, or choices they are making.
What we can do, is change the way we respond to them. Now would be a good time to work
on making yourself feel better, by reaching out for help from other teens who are also going,
or have gone through similar experiences. They may be willing to share experiences they have
had which may help you deal with your current family situation.
I would suggest that you take a look at the website to the organization (AL-ATEEN):
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen
Hold on ... before you wrinkle your nose and say 'I don't think it would help', I would ask you
to please try to keep an open mind as you look through the site. These are great kids, just like
you who are finding ways to get through troubling situations, and have a little fun and make
meaningful friends along the way. You might even find that joining an on-line meeting or attending
a local meeting in your area would be fun: http://www.nj-al-anon.org/
meeting may help you to feel so much more hopeful about your situation; Moreover, more positive
about yourself. Who knows, in time, you might even inspire your family to attend meetings and get
better.
Feel free to call 2NDFLOOR (1888-222-2228) whenever you need to talk, and/or post on this message board.
We're always here to help.
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