My mom is trying to make me be someone else

[Guest]

I'm 13 years old, and by this time girls would be dressing up in girly outfits and putting on an unnecessary amount of makeup. However with me I'm the opposite. I like to dress in more sweatshirts and plaid shirts and wear a baseball cap backwards. I don't take it too far with dressing like this, my wardrobe has many girl clothes too, just not the girly type. My dad and my brother are fine with it as long as I have limits, but my mom thinks I'm trying to become a boy.

This bothers me because not only is she telling me I dress weird, but now she's telling me my personality need to change. I don't know how to change my personality, nor do I want to. I like the way I am now, but every time I wear a cap backwards, she yells at me and brings it up during times that aren't even appropriate. This has gotten worse over time, now all she ever talks about with my family is how I act and dress. She makes wants me to be a, and I quotes, a "normal girl". She says this every time I'm wearing something she doesn't like.

My dad keeps telling me to just back off, and I can understand because my mom hates how my dads acts as well. My brother sticks up for me, but since he has autism, my mom uses that against him. The rest of my family don't know about how my mom acts, because she makes it as if I was the problem. The arguments that we have gotten into have gotten so bad, I now have cuts on my arms. I go to therapy for it because my mom doesn't want anyone else to see. She only worries about her reputation.

She he doesn't care about my feelings and I'm starting to think that it's never going to change unless I just get another mom (which is unrealistically impossible)

I want her to understand that she's only making home more of a war zone, and coming home is like a suicide mission. And sometimes it is.

[2NDFLOOR]

You don't have the ability to change other people in life. The way they act, the things they say, the way they believe are all things you have no control over. You can tell your Mom how her words and actions make you feel, but it's up to her to change them. What you do have control over is how you react to her. I can totally understand that you want her to be more caring and not so all over you and it's also a great thing that you have your father and brother for support systems. The fact that your in therapy is great, because it means you're getting help. Cutting and self injury isn't ever an answer to any problem, in fact, it tends to make things worse, so it's good that you're in therapy getting help for them. Dress how you feel comfortable, accept that your Mom is going to have an opinion, but that opinion doesn't have to control you. Try not to let her words get to you and try not to let them lead you into arguments. It's really not worth your mental health. Maybe even once you've been in therapy for awhile you could ask about setting up a session with you and your Mom and see if it helps any. If your last sentence is saying sometimes these problems make you feel suicidal, and you ever feel like you are going to act on those thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK or the NJ Hopeline at 855-654-6735. You can call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228.