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My dad, believe it or not, is 74. He's old, and god knows how he was able to create a baby when he was 61. Since I was little, he was always rude and strict. He called it, "responsible parenting". I call it being an a%$*&le. He would always get mad over the smallest things, and he still does. He would hit me, but he would call it "spanking". But for ridiculous reasons. At the time I didn't understand that he was a terrible person because I was too young. I once heard my mom on the phone with him yelling that she wanted a divorce. My brother Sean and I cried, but most of the time I regret crying. As I got older, he became worse. He has terrible ADD but he claims that he is far from it. He is a selfish, ignorant bastard that only gloats about all of his accomplishments, yet he doesn't have a job. He won't even settle for a job at Shop Rite so we can earn at least a little money so we don't have to depend on my mom for the income. He is starting to also develop dementia, but still thinks he's as sharp as a tack and it's just everyone else around him that is having issues with remembering things. He can get so aggravating when it comes to having to remind him about everything and him forgetting everything or saying something wrong. My brother is the most affected by this. He also has ADD, inheriting it from both sides of the family. I, on the other hand, was fortunate enough to not take after my family. My brother is in his freshman year of high school. Although, he is supposed to be a sophomore. He was held back his freshman year because he failed it. He wasn't doing his homework and it was because of some mental issues he's being having. My dad could care less about his issues. All he cares about is his grades and his schoolwork. He wants him to go to this Ivy League school and he even said that he would never have a son that is something less than a lawyer. He can't get through his thick skull that it's simply not possible. On top of all of this, he doesn't realize what comes out of his mouth. He has called all of my family names and has made rude remarks and comments about everything. He's called me something along the lines of being fat, he calls me stupid all the time, and he's even called me a b#tch. Being a girl, I already have all of my insecurities and low self-esteem, but this just piles it up even more. One night about a week ago, my brothers girlfriend came over for dinner. During dinner, my dad asked what she wanted to be when she's older. She replied that she wanted to be a Special Education teacher. My dad commented by saying "Well, maybe you should work on Sean first." That made him get up from the table and he never came back. After dinner, my mom told me that she wanted to slap him across the face for what he said. It was rude and uncalled for. I could go on and on about what my dad has done to my family. I would be up all night if I did. My family and I have been to countless counseling sessions but they don't seem to work. They're not helping my dad realize that he's a complete a$$hole to everyone. Everyone has tried explaining to him what he's been doing but he's always in denial about everything. He thinks he's always right. He always has a counter to everything you say. Usually it's some sly remark that makes everyone just want to hit him. I just need some advice, some help.
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Your frustration and anger with your father is very evident in your post...and from what you are describing, rightfully so. In life you cannot control who you get as family, and you cannot make other people change their behaviors. All you can do is change your behaviors to figure out a way to deal with people in a manner you can get through. Hitting and name calling is not something that should be tolerated. If you feel you are being abused in any way, contact the Department of Child Protection and Permanency at (877) NJ-ABUSE and report what is happening. They will come out and perform and investigation and a recommended course of action based on their findings. In the mean time, figure out a way you can deal with your father's behaviors that bother you. Maybe let him talk, knowing in your head he's wrong, maybe vent to your mom and brother about your feelings (they might like to vent back), maybe try to not feed into his negative actions/words because sometimes the response, even if its a negative one, might be just what he's looking for. Find something that works for you and stick with it. If family counseling isn't working, maybe talk to your mom about going to counseling alone to deal with your father. Call us anytime to talk at 888-222-2228.
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